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Curled around the stale scent of Rey, she closed her eyes.
She didn’t wake in fear as she had the night before. She drifted up from her uneasy dreams to penetrating heat and a deep reverberation that soothed her soul. Large hands stroked over her middle, cupping her belly with tenderness. Espresso and strawberries invaded her every sense.
Rey.
“Go back to sleep,” he said through the extended purr, continuing to caress her with gentle touches.
Devin sighed, leaning into that sound, his touch. Him. Needing him so damn much it hurt, her breath caught on a sob she refused to release. It would ruin this moment, and she would die before she drove him away again.
The longer she lay there soaking him up as a flower to sun, the more she realized something was wrong. A little nagging doubt crept in, shredding her calm as it made itself known.
He was fully dressed behind her, his touches calm and soothing but emotionless. They held none of his prior tenderness, none of his heat. There was no nuzzling of her hair, he didn’t kiss her shoulder. He made all the right sounds, all the right moves, but it wasn’t for her.
Her current state had been relayed by any number of people. Maybe all of them.
Rey was here to make sure she didn’t hurt his child. That was all he wanted from her. A single tear slipped free as her lashes fluttered and met. She’d done this.
After fighting for all of her life, Devin just wanted to give up.
Drowning in his scent, she clenched her fists in the pillow tucked under her chin and tried not to scream. Remaining plaint under his touch, another tear slipped free. There was no taking back the bond. It couldn’t be undone. He was tied to her for the rest of her natural life, and he hated her.
She imagined she could feel his disgust like a weight against her back, pressing against her where his heat melded with her. Guilt laid thick on her tongue, choking her soft sob that she buried in the pillow before he could hear. He’d go away again, and she needed him. Devin had to retain some semblance of composure.
“I told you to sleep,” Rey bit out, taking his hands away as her shoulders continued to shake with restrained tears.
“I’m sorry. I can’t,” she whispered back, miserable as she willed her anguish to stop before it drove him even further away. Already she felt the loss of him. She couldn’t get enough air in her lungs, her heart slamming around the cage of her ribs to break free in its panic.
“Then you’ll eat.” Delivered on a snarl, he couldn’t get off the bed fast enough. Sending most of the soft drifts tumbling to the floor in his rush to be free of her.
Devin nodded as she crept to the edge of the bed, slinking off to go to the closet. She wouldn’t make him look at her. Pulling on the baggiest sweats she could find, she followed him into the kitchen. She sat at the table as he stomped around the room, collecting food and plates. He fixed her meal himself, barking orders for her to sit and wait when she tried to offer help.
Devin curled around her middle, swiping at her damp cheeks to rid them of the cold moisture as she choked on silent sobs.
Gods, hehatedher.
Slamming the plate in front of her, Rey took the seat farthest away. His purr was dull, a lifeless thing that did little to appease her turmoil. Still, Devin took up the fork and knife. She made her way through one bite and then the next. She tasted none of it. It plunked heavy into the pit of her stomach, sitting in a greasy mass as she cleared the plate with methodical precision.
Rey grunted, loading her plate with more. Choosing to see her compliance as hunger.
Devin rubbed her damp cheek on her shoulder, continuing on as she had. One bite, another, another. Again clearing the plate though she felt like she’d vomit if she so much as looked at food again. It’d been done though, and she could say she’d eaten more just then than she probably had in the last several days.
But it was over now. Would he leave again?
Devin hunched, readying for the blow as she rose and went back to the bedroom. At least his scent was fresher, not the dried crust of their sex and the musty odor of stale sheets to hinder it. She shoved all the blankets back up, tugging the most redolent ones with her as she curled up in her previous position.
She tried not to cry when she heard the front door close, but she failed.
Chapter Sixteen
“Eat,” Rey said quietly, setting the plate in front of her.
She could only eat when he was with her now, everything coming back up anytime she tried on her own. A fact he’d realized when he found Devin retching on the bathroom floor, curled over the toilet. He’d brushed away her watery apologies, standing her up and holding her steady as she scrubbed her teeth. He’d purred for her the whole time, eventually leading her back into the kitchen where he sat near enough she could feel his warmth while she ate a fresh plate of eggs and pancakes.
Sleep was a thing of mystery now. Kept just out of reach when he wasn’t near, she drifted in some dark space that held terror and danger. He stayed more often than he was gone, and her shame knew no end.
The only thing that brought any sort of joy to her was the fact that his attention meant the bundle would be okay. Not that it was a bundle any longer. Her belly swelled with more than just an increased appetite. All of her clothes were too tight, leaving her to dress in stretchy yoga pants and loose sweaters.
“Thank you,” Devin murmured, digging into her food without paying much attention to it. Even with his focus on her, food was bland, tasteless. It felt so much like the gray nothingness from when she tried to sever the bond, she sometimes wondered if that was what she was doing. Trying to end this awful farce, to free Rey from having her around his neck.
