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Do what? Try and be logical about it? I wouldn’t beg him to let me stay, to remain married to me. I did have at least a little pride left.
“Just go away, Casper. We don’t have to talk, or share meals, or spend time together at all. You do whatever you need to, and I’ll just… read or something.”
He gave a humorless laugh.
“Casper, really. It’s fine. You want a divorce, then I’ll sign whatever you give me. You don’t have to pretend like you suddenly care. You never have.” The words hurt to say, but they were true. My plan to just let the tumor decide my fate hadn’t worked out. Casper had seen to that. Now that it looked like I would be alive for a while, I needed to figure things out. Where would I go? What would I do?
Some people might be excited over a chance to start over. That was the last thing I wanted. It was hard to “start over” when you’d never really begun your life. I’d been my father’s daughter in Mexico, a puppet. Then I’d become Casper’s wife, but had been more like a ghost haunting the house he’d stuffed me in. I didn’t know who I was, or who I wanted to be. I just knew that I wanted to be loved. Was that really so unreasonable?
I gave a startled yelp when the door swung open. Casper put away the tools he’d used to pick the lock, then strolled inside. He didn’t stop until he reached the bed, then he folded his arms and stared down at me. Why did he have to look sexy even doing that? I’d always found my husband attractive, which just made everything even worse.
“What makes you think I don’t give a shit what happens to you?” he asked. “I shoved you in that panic room to keep you alive.”
“Only because you felt guilty.”
He ran a hand down his face and huffed. “Guilty. That’s a good one, sweetheart. I’ve never felt guilty about a damn thing, except you. I hated that I’d made you feel so unwanted, so unloved that you were going to die. I hated that I’d avoided you for all these years instead of checking on you in person, or at least speaking to you. Maybe then I’d have known something was wrong.”
“You don’t need to say all that. I just misunderstood when we got married. I’d thought you wanted some time and would return. You’d never said as much so it’s on me for assuming that’s what you meant.”
He rolled his neck and it cracked a few times, then he settled on the edge of the bed. Casper reached for my hand and twined his fingers with mine. I stared at our clasped hands, a weird flutter in my chest and stomach. I thought about pulling away, but I honestly enjoyed his touch a little too much.
“I’m going to call Torch and see if we can stay at the Reapers’ compound,” he said. “We won’t stay with him and Isabella, but I’d feel better if you were behind their gates. I’m sure there’s a spot we can hunker down while I figure out why those men were here.”
“If we’re there, then you know your daughter will come by. I don’t want things to be more difficult than they already are.”
He lifted my hand and kissed the back of it, making my breath catch. He’d never done anything like that before. My gaze met and held his, trying to determine what he was thinking or feeling. But as usual, Casper was a blank slate.
“Will it really bother you to be there?” he asked.
I nodded. The last thing I wanted was to meet his family, get attached, then never see them again. I knew he had grandchildren and I’d always loved kids. I’d hoped to have a few myself one day.
“Then we’ll go to my cabin.”
“Cabin?” I asked.
“In the Smoky Mountains. You’ll like it there. Nice and quiet, and we’ll probably get some snow. Have you ever seen snow?”
“Not in person.”
He nodded. “Then that’s where we’ll go. No one knows about it but my family so it should be safe. I’ll figure out who broke in to the house here and decide what we’ll do next.”
“Guess that means I need to pack.”
“Pack whatever you want, but we can buy more when we get there. Anything you own won’t be near warm enough when the snow hits.”
He hesitated a second, kissed my cheek, then stood and walked out. I lifted a hand to press to the spot where his lips had met my skin, baffled at what the hell was going on. It was almost like I was dealing with two different Caspers. One was the gruff asshole who’d demanded a divorce without a shred of compassion. The other was… Well, the other seemed like the kind of man I’d want to hold onto, one I’d want to stay married to, but I didn’t think that would happen. Whatever was causing this change in Casper, I doubted it would last. Once the danger had passed, he’d want me gone again.
I just hoped I didn’t fall in love with him before that. My poor heart couldn’t handle it.
Chapter Four
Casper
I was fucked. Well and truly fucked, and not in the good way. When I’d noticed someone breaking into the house, my first thought had been Carmella. Seeing one of those assholes so close to her had sent me into a rage. As I’d taken them out one by one, I’d tried not to worry why it mattered so much. She was my wife and I was honor-bound to protect her. That’s it. I’d tried to tell myself that anyway. In my gut, I knew better. She mattered more to me than she should.
Hearing her say that she’d rather stay here, in danger, than go meet my daughter and grandkids… it made me realize I’d been the biggest asshole on the fucking planet. Carmella was a sweetheart and I’d just trampled right over her. Seeing the defeated look in her eyes, the acceptance that I didn’t want her, it had about killed me. It felt like someone was reaching into my chest and squeezing my heart. She might as well have ripped it out and stomped it to dust.
I’d thought I was beyond caring about anyone other than Isabella or my grandkids. It seemed I was wrong.
