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My breaths are coming in rapid pants, tears flow freely but I don’t care. He has done nothing but judge me and none of this is my fault. He ran the night he killed my father and I never heard from him again. I’ve struggled every single day since that night but I have never once blamed him for that. All I had hoped for was that he was happy and okay.
“You looked for me?” he asks quietly. I grit my teeth and clench my fists at my sides.
“I gave up trying to find you the day Dawson was born. I didn’t have the luxury of hoping for you to come back after that day. You ran and never once worried about what you left behind. Newsflash, asshole, you left your fucking kid behind!” I scream as I shoulder past him and march into my room. I close the door and sigh when I see Dawson is still fast asleep. I lean against the door and slide down to my ass and cry. Beck was the boy who could always make me smile and make my darkest days brighter. Now, he is the man who forces the smile from my face and dampens my happiness.
* * *
After an hour of feeling sorry for myself and crying, I wipe my face and force myself to my feet so I can place the four presents I managed to get Dawson under the tree. I quietly tiptoe down the stairs so I don’t wake the others, but the moment I round the corner and see the kitchen light on I freeze at the sight of all five guys leaning against the counter with a beer each in their hands. I don’t have the energy to fight with him again so I head for the living room and slam to a stop at the sight of the mountains of presents beneath the tree. Shame washes over me at the sight of them. I look down at the four tiny presents in my arms and fight the urge to cry again.
“Most of those are for him.” I turn to the side to see Saint standing next to me. He shoots me a kind smile.
“I don’t understand,” I whisper. Corvin and Crue come to stand on my other side while Beck and Darius stand next to Saint.
“When we left, we thought we would hit the mall a couple of hours away from here and kill time for Beck to calm down,” Corvin says. “Then we realized, we have a nephew and none of us had brought him a gift, so we went shopping.” He shrugs his shoulders like what they did isn’t a big deal. They have no idea that for the past four years I have wished I would be able to give Dawson all of this, but I could never afford it. I drop my gaze to the floor, feeling embarrassed that they can do all of this and all I can manage is a measly four gifts.
“Thanks,” I mutter as I turn to walk away. I make it two steps before Darius is blocking my exit from the sunken in living room.
“Aren’t you going to put your presents under the tree?” I stare up at Darius wanting to smack the guy. He is out of his mind if he thinks I’m going to place my gifts under there!
“No, I’ll just… give them to him when he wakes up,” I grind out.
“Why?” Who the hell does Darius think he is to question me?
“Because I don’t want to put them under the tree,” I snap.
Darius eyes me warily for a second before he asks, “Why not?”
Having had enough of this shit and just bone tired from the exhausting day I decide to tell the truth. “Because my gifts are from theon salerack while yours aren’t. I had to save for weeks to afford four things for my son and yet you guys can fill half the room with gifts in a couple of hours.” Darius’s face drops. I hear the others cursing behind me. “I wish I could give him what is under that tree but I can’t,” I whisper, dropping my gaze yet again to the floor in shame and guilt that I can’t give my own child more than second hand clothes or on sale toys.
I’m shocked to my core when arms grip my shoulders and turns me. I stare up at Beckett in surprise, his eyes are filled with anger but it’s not directed at… me. “Every fucking thing under that tree is fromus, every single one of us! From now on anything you need for Dawson, you tell me and I’ll get it.”
Frowning up at him I shake my head. “No.” His brows jump to his hairline at my response.
“The fuck do you mean,no?” I pull out of his hold and step back. How the hell can he not get it?
“I will not allow you to throw money around and think it fixes everything! Money may be great and make life easy, Beckett, but I don’t expect you to cover everything for him. I’m fine paying for everything like I always have.” I snort before adding on. “I mean, unless you’re a millionaire, then sure you can pay for everything including a car to drive him to daycare.” A light chuckle leaves me but when I see no one else laughs, I snap my mouth closed and look over at each of them. None of them will look at me. Crue seems to find the vaulted ceiling so interesting, Saint is staring at his shoes, Corvin just looks everywhere but at me, and Darius just stares at his hands, so I turn back to Beckett. The way his eyes bore into mine and hold a serious look has my mouth dropping open and my eyes widening. “Oh my God, you are a millionaire, aren’t you?” I breathe out.
“No, of course not.” I sigh in relief at Saint’s answer.
“We’re closer to billionaires,” Crue tacks on, stealing the breath from my lungs and causing me to choke on my own spit. I slowly turn my gaze back to Beckett, who stands there with a blank look on his face. Oh my God, it hits me then.
“You didn’t rent this cabin, did you?” I say barely above a whisper. He stuffs his hands in his pockets, straightens and stares down at me with a look that holds a challenge.
“Guess you weren’t the only one harboring a secret, huh?” I blow out a loud exhale at his jab, not wanting to draw out this awkward encounter I weave my way through them and place the small gifts under the tree before turning back to face them standing there shoulder to shoulder in a united front. I run my gaze over each of them and without them needing to say a single word, I see the unwavering loyalty they have for each other in their gazes. It’s awe inspiring to see. I’ve never had a friendship like they share well, I’ve never really had a friend until I met Jeff.
“Dawson and I won’t be staying for the New Year, I made plans with a friend,” I say before quickly making my exit. I hear the others grunting as they hold Beck back.
“Calm down.”
“Let her go.”
“Beck, stop,” the guys all say as they try to calm their friend while I make my escape. I make it to the bottom of the stairs before I hear him finally speak.
“She won’t get away from me a second time and she sure as fuck isn’t taking my kid from me,again.”
Beckett
Christmas day was a day I’ll never forget for the rest of my life. Seeing how wide my kid’s eyes went at the sight of all the presents under the tree had my chest filling with a sense of pride. He loved every single gift and made sure to rush around the room and hug each of us telling us it was the best Christmas ever. I watched Valance as he opened each gift. She forced a smile every time Dawson would show her what he got and fake being happy. When he got to her gifts though, his whole face lit up like the fourth of July. She bought him a train set, books, a jacket and a picture of the two of them at some park. Thousands of dollars’ worth of gifts and his favorite one was the picture of him and his mother.
