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“Oh.” Now he sounded contrite.
“Yeah, oh.” I said tossing the paper towel in the trash before facing him. He looked like Decker again, looking at me like he was ready to apologize. But I wanted him to understand what he should be apologizing for.
“I really don’t appreciate the lack of faith in my self preservation, Decker. I’m not stupid enough to just traipse around in the open when I’ve been stalked and attacked already. Not to mention the fact that I’m actually terrified to step outside this building even though I miss fresh air!” He took a step closer but I held up a hand to halt him. “Please try to remember that I’m not the person you’ve seen in gossip rags, drunkenly being escorted from a club. I’ve never been that girl, and I’d think you’d have seen that in the last month. So here is my reminder to you. If you have a question about something I’ve done or said,ask me. I’ve been honest enough with you so far to warrant healthy communication.” He seemed to flinch at that statement and I’d been about to ask about it when he finally spoke.
“You’re absolutely right, and I’m sorry.” He ran a hand through his hair, messing it up in the sexiest way as he let out a long breath. “Sometimes in the midst of this chaos, when shit just keeps going wrong, I forget that you played a role for the public. I’m primed and ready to have to fight withherthat I sometimes forget she isn’t real.”
This time, when he crossed the kitchen to wrap his arms around me, I let him. Sinking into the embrace, I inhaled his scent and my racing heart began to slow. Decker Mullins was a far better help with grounding me than all the exercises I’d been taught over the years. It wasn’t just that he grounded me though. He also made me feel safe even if the danger hadn’t shown up until he had. Wanting to go back to an enjoyable evening, I leaned back to look up at him and smiled.
“Want to tell me some more about how I’m right? I don’t hear it often enough.”
I’d hoped for one of his panty melting chuckles, but as his eyes met mine, I felt a cold chill snake down my spine. He looked haunted and worn out. Decker raised a hand to cup my cheek, his thumb sliding softly across my cheekbone as he silently took me in. Like he was about to say goodbye. That cold dread began to spread through my chest and I started to take a step back to break from the embrace, but he held me tight around the waist with one arm.
“What’s wrong?” Even though I’d asked the question, I really didn’t want to hear the answer. If it was something else on top of the current problems, I might actually break.
“I just don’t like not having an eye on you at all times.” He tried to give a small smile, but the twitch at the corner of his mouth did nothing to assuage the dread. “I’ve let my emotions run away with me, Lake. Being locked in this apartment with you made it easy to ignore the other problems around us. I’d gotten so used to not thinking about it, that going back to work made it hit me a little harder than I’d thought it would. That’s all.”
My insides were made of opposing emotion in that moment. I felt my heart swell at words telling me how content he’d been with me, but dark fear twisted inside at the idea that we were still facing danger. I wanted to give into the good and ignore the bad. Why couldn’t I just hide here forever under the protection of the men I’d accepted into my heart as family? I could play house for Decker each day and he could come home, strip me down, and make love to me every night.
Even as I thought it, I couldn’t connect with the fantasy. It wasn’t me and I knew it. I may not have the desire to escape to a dance floor much anymore, but new dreams and fantasies had begun to fill that space in my longing. I wanted to be outwardly involved in the charities. I wanted to start my own, fundraise, and make a difference. I could all too easily imagine a day of working at a foundation, feeling dead on my feet but fulfilled and coming home to an embrace just like this one with the man in front of me.
You think anything built on trauma could last?
The lingering voice in my head was the one thing I hadn’t been able to pack away in my mind along with the grief and fear for the people I’d gotten killed. The self loathing was too slippery to pin down and defeat, always sliding to the back of my mind to hide in the shadows before dripping into the good. Just enough to make me not trust in the things I wanted.
“Thank you,” Decker said, shattering through my inner struggle and pulling my attention to him, still holding me close.
“For what?” I asked, leaning into the hand still pressed to my cheek.
“For making me talk it out.” He gave me that sexy chuckle I’d been aiming for and I immediately felt heat pool in my belly. “I have a tendency to keep everything very organized and tightly packed away. I’m not a sharer, and it causes communication issues.”
“Lucky for you, I’ve spent over a decade in therapy, and have enough understanding to identify when others are struggling. Still can’t turn that spotlight inward though,” I said with a shrug. He just hummed in agreement as he absently rocked me in his arms. It was easy to see he was still in his head, and I had one surefire way to pull him out and bring him back to me.
I began to unbutton his shirt, taking my time as I exposed more and more of the smooth skin over rigid muscle. When the only buttons remaining were tucked into his pants, I moved my hands up his torso, sliding my fingers over each muscle as I explored. His hand had dropped from my face only to slide around the back of my neck, and I knew he was watching me closely as I kept my attention on his chest. Standing on my tip-toes, I pressed a kiss to the scar hidden behind his tattoo and smiled against his skin as I felt Decker suck in an aroused breath; his fingers tightening deliciously on my neck.
Finally I looked up at him through my eyelashes to see his hazel eyes clouded with need. He no longer flinched at my ministrations over his scar, instead he found comfort in it and had told me so after marathon sex a few days before. I loved knowing that I brought him comfort in such an important part of his life.
Breaking the hold he had on me, I walked around him, heading for the bedroom, stripping off my tank and letting it fall to the floor. My fingers were unhooking my bra as I turned through the doorway and I hadn’t even finished before he was behind me, pulling the straps down my arms. The feel of his fingers sliding across my shoulders made me shiver with anticipation and I’d barely turned around to face him when he was lifting me up to deposit me on his far too tall bed.
I leaned back, top half of my body naked, and watched as he unbuttoned the cuffs of his shirt one at a time, looking at me like he was ready to devour me. He slipped the shirt from his shoulders, and without even having to see, I knew he was stepping out of his shoes before he stalked toward me, climbing onto the bed and over my body. Then, we were fevered skin to fevered skin as he took my mouth in a possessive kiss that had me whimpering. His hips pressed down and I spread my legs immediately to make room, unable to halt the roll of my hips to meet his already stiff erection.
Without warning, Decker broke the kiss and scooped an arm under me before doing some flip that I would be demanding he teach me later, and suddenly his back was on the bed and I was straddling his hips. I couldn’t help the surprised giggle that sprang from me and I felt him press his length against me harder in response. I moaned, unrestrained at the way he felt grinding against my already soaked pussy.
He hooked his thumb into the waistband of the capri leggings I’d chosen today, slid both them and my panties down over my ass, and stopped when the fabric had no more give from the straddling position.
“Off,” he growled and I shivered at the beast he became when he was turned on and impatient. I fucking loved it.
In the most unsexy display of flailing limbs I peeled off the remainder of my clothes and had been settling back in my straddling position when Decker sat up and took my mouth in a deep, hungry kiss; his hands sliding between my thighs.
I rocked my hips forward, ready to feel his fingers sinking into me, but his hands moved around the outside of my thighs and grabbed as he broke the kiss roughly and laid back down. I had no time to complain before he gripped my thighs and lifted me in one fluid motion setting me back down directly over his mouth.
“Hold on,” he said as he grazed his teeth across my inner thigh, and it took entirely too long to break through the surprise.
I gripped the headboard as he devoured my pussy. He pulled my hips down, and I let out a cry as I rode his face, grinding down every time he sucked my clit into his mouth only to lick and kiss his way to my opening.
“Fuck, you ride my face as beautifully as you ride my cock,” he groaned before spearing his tongue inside me, his nose rubbing against my sex. I couldn’t tell if it was the filthy words or the filthy things he was doing to me, but I was already on the edge and needing to come.
The familiar pooling low in my core had me holding myself still in that one spot I needed to send me over the edge, but Decker stopped and I cried out as the glow of orgasm faded back. I looked down to see him smirking at me, mouth and chin glistening with my juices.
