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“But we can try,” I cut her off.“What’s there to say?I love you with all my heart.Even when you don’t want to believe me.”
Aerin rolls her eyes and smirks as if saying, “You seriously don’t want to listen to me, do you?”
“We can,” I insist.
“Sure, but it’ll take more than the few hours we have.You and Lang have to go and clean up the mess I made with the biography.”
“You didn’t know what would happen.”I try to justify her.
She shrugs one shoulder nonchalantly.“To be honest, when I chose to do it, I didn’t give much thought to the consequences.It sounded like a good way to speak up.Finally, I would be able to say everything Enya and I were denied say.”
She sighs.“I did it because it helped me get everything off my chest.To give this a different ending.And maybe help other people who can’t speak up.It wasn’t until I was deep in the editing phase that I decided to alter a lot of details to protect you and Grey.”
Aerin seems to be regretting her actions, plagued by the familiar sting of having inconvenienced someone yet again.
“Regardless of the aftermath, the fact that it brought you back to me makes it worth it.”I don’t burden her with details of what might happen next, or how long I might be gone.
Though, she’s right.We can’t fix everything right now.It’ll take time to sift through our emotions.I’m upset that I might not see her for a few weeks.Though, this time, I’m leaving a team in charge of her safety.No one will lay a finger on her in my absence.
Lang warned me this could turn into an extensive hunt.I’d gladly eradicate anyone who’s ever caused her pain or will try to do anything to her because of her relation to Enya or their father.Once we’re done, I’ll get back to her, and we can sort out our relationship.
While reliving our past through her biography, I’ve come to see that we’ve been inexorably linked since our lives first intertwined.We’re soulmates, the three of us.
“It doesn’t matter how we got here.We’ll fix it,” I promise.
Her head shake sends a shudder down my spine.“Is it even worth it?”
Confusion knots my brow.“Why would you ask that?”
“Sanford, you can go out right now and get any woman—or man.Why would you want to deal with PTSD, night terrors, and deep wounds of two broken people—Grey and me—that might never heal?I shouldn’t speak on behalf of Grey, but I know we both have deep emotional scars that might never fully heal and will require constant care.”
The sad smile she offers only fuels the growing frustration within me.
“It’s going to be an exhausting journey, Sanford,” she continues.“Spare yourself the hardship and walk away.”
It takes me a moment to realize what she’s doing.She wants to scare me, push me away so I don’t see her scars.
“The three of us made a vow: In sickness and health.We promised to stand by each other, no matter what,” I remind her.It happened when we convinced her to change her last name and take ours.
We wanted her to become ours, but neither one of us was ready for marriage.We were committed to each other.
“If I had been injured during a mission and lost my ability to walk, would you have abandoned me?”
Her eyes flutter shut for a moment, and when they reopen, I see a hard determination in them.
“No, you wouldn’t,” I answer my own question before she tries to lie to me.
“Ae, if that’s the price to pay for spending the rest of my life with you and Grey, I’ll willingly pay it,” I say firmly.“I will stay awake all night, holding you while you sleep, kissing away the pain when the wounds on your soul start to fester.I will be there—no matter what, as long as you let me love you again.”
Tears glisten in her eyes, but she refuses to let them fall.“No.You’re supposed to run away from me.Find someone else and build a happy life.”
“Are you punishing yourself?”The question leaves my lips before I can stop it.
Her lower lip trembles as she admits, “They broke him because of me.”The volume of her voice rises, filling the room with her pain.“It’s not fair that you two can’t be together anymore.That he’s so fractured ...Do you have any idea how often he pleaded with them to kill him and let me go?”
I’m not surprised that she carries the guilt.
We all carry so much guilt on our shoulders.I find myself constantly wondering if I should have arranged for their protection, given my line of work.Should I have quit The Organization?But no amount of “what ifs” can change the past, and yet, I can’t shake off the blame for not being there when they needed me most.
