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Sanford shoots her a puzzled glance as he nudges open the front door.“What are you talking about?”
Her laughter lacks mirth, a bitter undertone coloring the sound.“Just last week, I mentioned to my therapist that I needed a little more action in my life,” she explains, slightly frustrated.“Look at me, being chased by criminals, saved by my ex-boyfriend, and—”
“Live-in partner,” I interject, swiftly correcting her before I can stop the words from slipping out.
Aerin blinks a couple of times in surprise.“What?”
“We weren’t just dating,” I clarify, a hint of defensiveness creeping into my tone.“Before you were taken from us, we were live-in partners.We owned three houses and lived together.”
A flicker of disbelief crosses her face before it morphs into a tight-lipped smirk.“Then when did you two separate?Or are you still together but just have an abusive relationship where you treat each other with utter disregard.”
“Ouch, what is with her?”Sanford casts a pointed glare in my direction.“Wasn’t she all sunshine, love, and shit?”
“Only until you piss her off,” I remind him.I snap back, crossing my arms defensively.“What did we do now?”
“You live in Malibu”—she points a finger accusingly in my direction—“and Sanford lives in ...Where do you live?”
“I have less than twenty-four hours to settle you into the house,” he declares, his tone carrying a hint of urgency.He’s shielding Aerin from witnessing the shattered fragments of our relationship, guarding her from our brokenness.
The little I know about him is because my cousins talk about him often.It’s probably the same with me.Though, he knows how to find me when he needs me.He might never call me to check if I’m dead or alive, but he reaches out to me during those nights when he misses what we used to have.
The stillness we’ve lived in has to stop.I don’t know when or how, but we need to discuss the cycle of hurting each other, of only searching for one another when we want to fuck.Those times when we fucked, fought, and hurt each other.
We can’t continue doing that anymore.I love him too much to see him suffer.I just thought ...well, that he didn’t even give two fucks about what happened to us.
I blindly believed he hated me for not protecting Aerin, that he hated me for who I had become.I don’t even think that I should be here.The agents can protect her better than I could, but I refuse to leave her alone while she’s waiting for this to be solved.Piper went through something similar when Finn came back to her life.Those days where she had no news about Finn or Derek weighed on her.
I wouldn’t want Aerin to go through that alone.
Aerin pulls open the refrigerator, a quip slipping off her lips.“Yum, beer.Is that the only thing you have in this fridge?So, where did you say you live, Sanford?”As she speaks, her hands are busy relocating the beers from the bottles to the kitchen sink.
San watches her with amusement.
“Luna Harbor,” I answer for him.“Didn’t you hear the man when he warned you that he’s going to shove you there once you accept to get back together with him?”
“No.”She fixes me with a pointed glare, the warning clear.“You’re not going to make me choose between the two of you.”
“I’m not including myself in the equation,” I state firmly, even as the pain in her beautiful face wrenches my gut.
Sanford matches her glare, shooting one equally as menacing my way.
“You can’t possibly think we can go back to what we had,” I challenge them.
“Grey, we fell in love together.The three of us.We made room for each other’s hearts and in a way, we still live within each other’s souls,” Aerin counters, her gaze finding mine.“I get it, we’re broken and lost and ...”Her voice trails off, her focus shifting to Sanford as if she’s asking him for help.
Sanford heaves a deep breath, nodding solemnly.Then his eyes find mine.“We can’t let Enya win.She wanted to rip us apart, and so far, she’s succeeded.Though, there’s still time to stop it and right the wrongs.”
“We aren’t the same.It’s over.Over.”I jab a finger at my chest for emphasis.“You have no idea what it’s like living with me.It’s a living hell.I lie awake at night, racked with shakes, yearning for a hit to dull the pain.I love you both too much to drag you into my personal hell.”
I brace myself for Aerin to spew comforting platitudes, but it’s Sanford who speaks up.“I’m ready for that.I’ve been ready for years.You just keep pushing me away because you can’t forgive me.You blame us for everything that happened and for losing Ae.I tried my fucking best to find her.”
He takes another deep, steadying breath.“I tried it.I was willing to blow my job at The Organization just to get her back, but I couldn’t find her.All these years, I’ve been taking anything you would give me.I settle for scraps because I think that’s all I deserve.I can’t forgive myself, either.And that’s probably where I fucked up.I should’ve brought you home with me instead of letting you drift away.”
“You’re missing something,” Aerin interjects softly.“We need reassurance.”
“If you have insomnia, I’ll be there next to you.If you’re shaking and in need of a fix, I’ll hold you and do whatever is in my power to support you.I can deal with night terrors, wounds, scars ...”His hands rise to cradle his head, fingers massaging his temples.“But I can’t deal with your absence anymore.It’s killing me slowly.”
This confession, this raw and desperate plea from Sanford, is everything I’ve yearned to hear.We found Aerin.She’s now with us.Yet I’m overwhelmed by a crippling fear of failing them both.The intense desire to reclaim what we once had battles with the haunting specter of my own inadequacies.
