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The ride to the grocery store is silent, tension hovering in the air of the new SUV.Each of us is lost in our own thoughts.I can’t stop worrying about their well-being when I’m away.Greyson, on the other hand, is hard to read, his expression masked, and detached.Or perhaps that’s just my imagination expecting the worst.
Navigating the aisles of the grocery store feels oddly familiar, almost domestic.We move from one aisle to another, crossing the hundreds of items we need.It seems like my pantry doesn’t have much, and the little it does is expired.Who knew spices don’t last forever?
For a fleeting moment, it feels like we’ve gone back in time, but I know better.It’s just one outing to help us get the house ready for ...I don’t even know what kind of storm is coming and how hard it will be for us to find a new us.Though, I know it’s worth it.I’m thankful we all have the courage to take this step.I just hope we have the strength to walk the treacherous path while building a new future.
We return home with what feels like the entire grocery store.I can see Aerin relaxing, the rigidity of her posture softening as she navigates through the kitchen, tossing old things away and adding the new items we bought.It’s as if she’s taking control of the one thing she’s afraid of—probably the food.
I, on the other hand, am still lost.I can’t shake off the nagging feeling that we’re on the edge of something, something monumental.
I can’t help but think that despite the uncertainties, the doubts, and the fears, I’m excited about tomorrow.I’m looking forward to seeing the next day.It’s only now, after that fucking biography disrupted my life that I realize how numb I had become—how dead inside.And now, I can’t help but look forward to another day, to the future.That realization scares me.
ChapterFifteen
Aerin
A surreal senseof déjà vu washes over me as I stand here, feeling like I’ve been catapulted back to when I was eighteen.My boyfriends are once again supporting me financially, and the hazy outline of my future stirs hollow anxiety in my chest.
“What’s upsetting you?”Sanford asks as we watch the people from TPSJ Life Concierge leave the house.
They came to measure me and drop off some clothes that might work for now, plus they had me pick styles and colors so he could add items as they become available.I don’t need more clothes.They should donate them.
“You guys just splurged on an entire new wardrobe for me,” I admit, my voice quiet.“While I’m grateful, it feels a bit much.It’s as if I’m still that neglected teenager who can’t provide for herself.”
He glances at Greyson, who is busy on his computer, transferring funds to ensure I have enough money in our joint accounts.“That was all him, not me.But you know we’ll do anything to support you, Aerin.It’s not about dependence.It’s about us taking care of you, always.”
And they do.Since the first time we met, they’ve gone above and beyond to ensure my emotional and physical well-being.They’ve guarded me the best they could, even when my sister was tormenting me, Greyson was there, holding me.Grey and San saved my life.I love them not because of gratitude, but because of their big hearts.
I grasp San’s hand, needing his warmth, his touch.“I understand this isn’t a step back, but it reminds me of the girl you found in the music room—lonely, hungry, and scared.I’m not being ungrateful, it’s just something I have to work through.I adore when you two take care of me, and I also appreciate the effort you’re making to reach out to Grey, letting him know what you think.”
He lets out a heavy sigh, his chest rising and falling.“There was a time when talking to him was as easy as breathing.I could almost predict his thoughts before they even formed in his mind, and then ...that connection shattered irrevocably and probably permanently.”
“I’m not saying you won’t recover yoursuperpower”—I try to sound light—“but maybe it’s time to find new ways to communicate, to ensure you two don’t drift apart again.”
After studying me for a prolonged moment, Sanford finally voices his concern.“You’re not orchestrating all this while secretly planning to abandon us, are you?”
I raise an eyebrow, taking a moment to gather my thoughts.I want to be honest in my response, but I also need to choose my words carefully.“What do you mean?”I inquire, buying myself a moment to contemplate the answer.
“You build us up, strengthen our bonds, and then disappear, thinking we don’t need you,” he elaborates.
Laughter bubbles out of me, not because his theory is amusing, but because he’s not wrong.
“The thought crossed my mind,” I confess.“But then I remembered to whom my heart belongs to, why you two surrendered yours to me.Also, why you two bought this beautiful yet ridiculously expensive house.The apartments, and ...”My voice trails off, memories of shared dreams flooding my mind.Dreams of growing old together, of a life filled with happiness.
I’m aware we’ve changed, evolved, and morphed into people we barely recognize.Yet, beneath the rubble and debris, the foundation of our truth remains intact: We belong together.
It’s a deep-rooted understanding, a resonance echoing in the silent chambers of my heart, reminding me who Sanford and Greyson are: They are my home.
I won’t simply leave because we’re broken.Yes, we’re fractured, but not irreparably.Beneath all the wreckage, I can see a future.Our future.
A fresh start for the three of us.We are more than the sum of our shattered parts, the unfulfilled dreams, and the pain we’ve endured.We are a love that runs soul-deep and cannot be extinguished.
“If memory serves me right, you were the one who chose this house,” San points out.
And I really can’t remember what it was that drew me to this place, but I do remember it felt like home.Our permanent home away from our hectic schedule.I was counting the days when I would finish school and move back to Seattle permanently.Unfortunately, that day never came.
Greyson breaks into my trance.“What’s wrong, Ae?”he asks, walking toward me.
In a dismissive gesture, I wave a hand as if to brush away his worry.“We were reminiscing about the house.”
