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“Cade, come on,” Ryder shouts, throwing a perfectly placed ball to Cade as soon as he stands. And from way across the field, too, causing me to watch my brother a little more closely. Cade throws a pass that I really think Ryder will miss because he’s not in the right place until he is. The ball lands squarely in his arms. He tosses it to Harrison as they take off downfield, and I watch in dumbfounded silence, trying to figure out if it was just crazy luck or not. But when I see a pass that actual players would miss be caught by Ryder before he weaves through the pack to score another touchdown, I know it wasn’t luck.
Standing, I march across the field. “What the hell was that?”
Ryder looks confused, as do the other players when I shove past them and stop in front of my brother. “Um. A touchdown.”
“Okay. But you caught it and ran it in.”
“Gee, thanks, sis. It’s not a big deal, just a fun game.”
“Ryder,” I say when he turns his back to me, “fun or not… that throw to Cade when he was by me, the catches, your speed. All of it. It’s better than half the guys on Dad’s roster.”
“And?” Ryder nonchalantly.
“And how does my brother, who sucks at football, all of a sudden get so proficient?”
There’s some apprehension masking his face as he lightly grabs my arm and guides me off the field. The game continues as we stand there for a few minutes before he says, “I’ve always been able to play. I just never wanted to.”
“What? Why? Why would you let Dad think you suck so bad when you’re so great at it? I know I saw you trip over your own freaking feet when you played before.”
“Because I didn’t want him to use me and only want me around for football, so he could relive his glory days. Or force me to play for some dumbass title that doesn’t mean shit.”
My head spins, my thoughts running faster than the dupes sprinting back and forth as I try to fully grasp this development. “I just don’t understand why you would hide it when it’s been such a big source of contention between the two of you.”
“Exactly. It’s a fight because I didn’t meet his standard for a stupid fucking sport. Nothing to do with me.” Ryder takes a long second before he adds, “I never wanted or needed his approval, Morgan. I only ever wanted him to care about me separately from sports and rankings. And when I realized he wouldn’t, I made sure I wouldn’t give him a reason to pretend like he cares.”
His approval. I know he didn’t mean it like that, but I know what he’s saying, I’m the one who always wanted to be perfect, to impress Dad to get what little attention I could. I couldn’t get it with sports or something like that. But I tried to get his attention or even respect other ways. At least in the past.
“Morgan, you can’t mention anything to him. Please.”
“Of course not.” There’s no way I’d put Ryder on Dad’s radar. But there’s something that’s bothering me. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
He hesitates for a second before he responds, “Because I was worried if you knew, you’d tell the truth for a change.”
25
CADE
It’s strange. But I’m actually used to driving the Audi and it feels second nature as I steer it into the lot of a local eatery. Morgan hasn’t said much since we left the Lakefront. I’ve left her alone up until now, but I have to ask, “Something bothering you over there?”
“Did you know?” she asks, her head staying turned away from me.
“About what?” I have a feeling it has something to do with Ryder after her tracking across the field and having a convo in the middle of the game. But I’m not completely sure exactly what that was about.
She turns to look at me, gauging me as she says, “That my brother is a really good football player. Like can actually throw and catch the ball instead of the falling-on-his-face klutz that he’s acted like in front of our dad.”
“I never really paid much attention.” I see her frustration growing at my answer. “I really didn’t. I remember him being a good player when we were younger, but never put much thought into him not playing for Saint Juliet. I just wrote it off as he didn’t want anything to do with the game because he and your dad have never gotten along.”
“Yeah,” she mutters. “And apparently he doesn’t seek his approval, so he never felt the need to show his worth.”
Ouch. That statement had more to do with her and less to do with Ryder. She’s angry. Especially with everything that’s happened between her and her dad. And I get it. But I don’t want her going that way in her mind. She’s already walking on the ledge, ready to fall at any moment. “Just because someone doesn’t see the value in you doesn’t mean you’re worthless.”
“Thanks, ole wise one.” She rolls her eyes before adding, “That sounds like some shit Otis would say.”
Her mention of my former boss’s name makes me miss him and my job back at the marina and also makes me realize how different everything is now. “He is wise for sure.”
I make a mental note to stop by and visit him soon. Maybe I can plead for my job back. Because it won’t be long before I have to dip into my savings again. And that isn’t something I want to do. That money is supposed to be for a fresh start after graduation from Saint Juliet. Because whether Dustin wants to admit it or not, I’m not going off to uni on some football scholarship, even if an official offer is extended. The biggest potential for that to happen right now is at NAU and that is afuck nobecause it’s just another tie to Coach and all the bullshit I want to get away from.
I feel a strong urge to ask her what her plans are, but I know better, and keep the question to myself. “Come on. Let’s go. I’m sure Ryder has a table for everyone already.”
