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It had taken two more hours before I burst through the door, screamed at someone at the admission desk and reached Sydney in the waiting room. I froze immediately for two reasons that made my heart stop and restart in a violent way.
Sydney had cried. Her mascara was smeared under her eyes. That by itself twisted my stomach. But it was what was beside her that stopped me in my tracks. Or rather, who was beside her. Fucking Frederick stood up when he spotted me, a solemn veil over his smug face.
My mind backfired, spinning in all different directions. Reasonable remnants of myself argued Blue was at work when she’d fainted, so of course he was here. But that voice was too weak against all the guilt that I needed to channel somewhere. Or at someone.
I inhaled, pretty sure my nostrils doubled in their size, and stepped forward. Before I could do or say anything, Syd jumped up and threw herself at me, loud sobs echoing around the somber waiting room where several people waited for news with hope.
“I’m so sorry, Massi.” The panic that gripped me with its cold, sobering touch made me forget everything around.
I grabbed Sydney’s shoulders, jerked her away from me and tried to string words together. “What are you talking about? What the fuck happened to Blue?”
Sydney’s voice hitched. “She is sleeping. She’ll be fine, but the baby—” she wailed.
Time, space, my surroundings ceased to exist in those few brief moments as the words sank in at a painfully slow speed, unearthing all the dark corners of my soul.
“Is Blue okay?” The question scratched my throat.
“Yes, she is. I mean, she will be. They didn’t want to tell us much. She was awfully quiet and they feared she was in shock. You should talk to the doctor.” Sydney looked toward the nurses’ station.
I nodded and she walked over with me. A very tired-looking nurse confirmed my identity and asked us to wait.
My skin prickled as I sensed Frederick’s presence by my side.
“Massimo, I’m really sorry. Let me know if there is anything I can do.” He patted me on the shoulder.
“Thank you. We’re good. And thank you for bringing her over here.” I said the words on autopilot, hating that he was there when I wasn’t. Hating that he could leave his restaurant and I had to slave under an entitled French epicurean god.
If there was ever a time to start my own business, to be my own boss, it was now. So I could protect Blue and take care of her without depending on others.
“Of course, of course. Everything happens for a reason, Massi.” He squeezed my shoulder. “I’ll go now. All the best.” He strode away.
“Mr. Cassinetti?” I whipped around to see a middle-aged woman in blue scrubs. I nod. “I’m sorry, your wife has suffered a miscarriage. My assessment is that it was one of those unfortunate, inexplicable occurrences and there is no worry about future fertility, but of course, her OBGYN will want to run more tests.”
“Is she okay?” I should have been grieving, but I found the whole situation surreal. I hadn’t had a chance to start looking forward to having a baby, or even acknowledge it was coming. I’d seen it as a reason for the delaying of my dreams. Right now, my only concern was Blue.
“Yes, physically she is okay. As soon as she wakes up, you can take her home. The nurse will give you information about support groups and other resources to help you both cope.”
Cope?I couldn’t help it, but the prevalent emotion flooding my blood stream was relief. And guilt for feeling relief.
“Can I see her?” My palms were damp, sweat trickled down my spine, but I shivered as if we were standing in a freezer.
“You can go sit with her, but let her sleep.” She turned and walked off to talk to another family.
“Do you want me to stay with you? To call Bianca?”
I shook my head. “Mom didn’t know Blue was pregnant. We haven’t told anyone.”
Sydney sniffled and rubbed my arm. “I’ll stay with you.”
“Go home, you’ve done enough. Thank you, Syd.”
“Listen, Massi, this might be the worst time to point it out, but you should have fucking been here.” She bit her lower lip and stared at me, her green eyes a mixture of contempt and pity, and perhaps something else, but I didn’t bother to decipher that. What for? She was right.
“Thanks again, Syd. Could you keep this to yourself? I don’t know if Blue wants the attention. I need her to decide if and how we share this.”
“Of course.” She gave me a brief hug and assessed me with narrowed eyes. She opened her mouth, but then she changed her mind, turned and left.
