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I found Blue’s bed and sat beside her. She looked pale and small, lost in a large pillow, her skin almost translucent. She was still the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. Her chestnut hair, a little damp around her face, fanned across the white, sterile fabric. She resembled a sleeping princess. Her features relaxed and peaceful.
But that was only an illusion, a drug-induced calm. I wanted to believe that the miscarriage wouldn’t change us. That we could simply move on from it without scars and dive back into our pre-pregnancy plans.
And as I sat there watching Blue sleep off her trauma, I started to believe that. With unreasonable, cold certainty, I concluded that things happened for a good reason.
If only I didn’t voice my conviction when Blue woke up.
* * *
“What do you mean?” I yelled into the phone and several people turned my way.
I was livid, pacing circles in Central Park. I’d just finished my shift at the Four Seasons when my agent called me.
“I don’t understand how this could have happened, but someone seems to have pulled some strings because the place is gone.”
“What do you mean gone? It’s two thousand square feet of prime real estate in SoHo. It hasn’t just disappeared. We reviewed and approved the paperwork. I’m coming to sign the documents now.” I tried to control my voice, staring down the passers-by.
“I’ll make some calls and see what can be done. Perhaps it’s just a ploy to get you agree to a higher rent.”
“I can’t fucking pay higher rent. It’s ridiculously high as it is. My projections don’t allow for higher rent—the place doesn’t have the capacity.”
“Let me find out what’s going on.”
“You better, because I’ll fucking look for a new agent.” I snapped my phone closed and marched across the park to calm down a bit before I headed home.
I didn’t even know if Blue was working. The last few weeks had been super busy and between her school and work, my shifts at the Four Seasons and the search for the location of my first restaurant, we barely had time to talk. Or perhaps we avoided talking to keep some topics unspoken.
I was painfully aware that unspoken equaled unresolved, but I hoped time would heal. Avoiding the elephant in the room was easier.
I was going to call her and see if we could grab a meal together when my agent had contacted me to explain the situation with the property I’d lost. Or rather, that someone had stolen it out from under me.
The information pushed me into the first bar. Several vodka shots later, I stumbled into a cab and made my way to our stupid apartment in Brooklyn.
Blue yanked the door open after I dropped my keys several times and failed to behave like a reasonable neighbor. She pulled me inside.
“What the hell, Massi? Where have you been? I was worried.”
I tripped and fell to my knees. Blue leaned down to help me, but I swatted her hands away. “Leave me alone.”
“What’s going on, Massi?” Her voice was calm, concerned. She wasn’t even trying to pick a fight, she just wanted to help her drunk husband.
“Have you told Frederick about the place in SoHo?” I howled.
She blinked a few times, staring at me as if I spoke a foreign language. “What do you mean?”
“Answer the fucking question, Blue. How does he fucking know about the lease we were going to sign?”
“I mentioned it in passing. I was so happy we found the place. What do you meanweregoing to sign?”
I rocked a bit on the way to the chair and she dared to help me sit. I didn’t want her help. Ever. Again.
“How many times have I told you not to trust that snake? He bought the fucking building. He bought it. It’s off the market because he’ll open a new location there soon.”
Blue went pale, her hand flying to her mouth as she tried and failed to stifle a gasp. “Oh my God, Massi, I can’t believe that. I didn’t even tell him where it was. I just mentioned our plans were progressing nicely and we had found a place in SoHo.”
“You ruined it all. Everything. Always. You ruined my dreams.” I tried to stand, but the alcohol in my veins sat me back down. My stomach heaved.
“Massi,” Blue whispered, her voice shaking with unshed tears.
