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My stomach knotted when I thought of losing him. Things had spiraled out of control. I wasn’t supposed to get attached. I wasn’t supposed to let him inside. But I’d failed.
And I knew that we couldn't be together because he was Ops Command. It hadn’t been real. It had been a secret. Something that no one knew about. Right now, we couldn't stay away from each other. But fuck, in the long term, what was this?
You know what this is.
I loved him. I’d fucked up and fallen deep.
It felt like love. Not that I'd ever actually been in love, but that's what it felt like. That obsessive need to be with him. But not just to have him holding me close, whispering dirty things in my ear, no.
It was more about knowing I was loved. Knowing he cared. Knowing that when I was sad, he would draw me in and make me feel better. He was the only person I wanted to talk to first thing in the morning and right before I went to bed at night.
This was love.
This would destroy me.
Gabe reached for me. "I love you. Don't be mad, okay? Don't tell Saff. You can't tell Saff."
My whole body seized. "What the fuck did you just say?"
He was trying to shake off the effects of the tranq.
Drake, well, he just passed out. A double dose like that, he was bound to go out. Probably for the next hour or so. But Gabe only had half the dose, so he was fighting it hard.
"I can't not tell her, Gabe. After everything, I have to tell her."
"No, she won't understand, and she'll be hurt."
"You didn't think that through. She hates him."
"I know, but he… He didn't hurt our parents. I loved them as much as she did. He was my friend. He didn't hurt them. I knew he was undercover. He tried to help them, just like he tried to help Saff when you were all on the mission."
Jesus Christ, our attempts to get at Antonio Igno a little over a year ago had been disastrous. Saff had almost gotten blown up. People had been shot. She was not going to forgive this.
"Please don't tell her. This is for her safety."
"No, I don't believe you. This is for you. You don't want to face her disappointment in you. You don't want to have to explain. I'm not doing that. She's my best friend."
"I know, and I'm sorry."
His words were slurred now. He was having a harder time fighting off the effects of the drugs. "I love my sister. I'd do everything to protect her. She never needs to know because she can't see past what she thought he did. Even though logically, she knows he didn't do anything. She hates him. He saved her life, and she still hates him. And he's a good enough person to know that he owes her blood. He lied to her and kept her in the dark, and he terrorized her. He's going to have to work to make amends for that."
"He is the villain," I whispered.
"In that case, so am I.”
36
Tabatha
There was no way in hell I wasn’t going to call Saff. At a time like this, I needed her. And maybe I wasn't going to tell her everything, but I needed some advice. I cared about Gabe.
He’d been keeping something this massive from me, from the team, from his sister, and I knew he loved Saff too. His words rang in my head again. 'There will be things I cannot tell you. Things that it's better that you don't even know. No one has been able to handle it.'
She answered on the third ring. "Hey, how are you? Where are you?"
"We're still in Cape Town at a safe house."
"Okay, how did it go?"
