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As we drove back to the penthouse, the anger vibrated through me.
I hadn’t been this angry in years. Maybe ever. And I was angry at everybody. Alan, Emilie, Diana. But mostly, I was angry with myself because I hadn’t put the pieces together. I hadn’t seen how much trouble she was in. I hadn’t seen the setup.
But if I had seen the setup, would I have done anything differently?
Yes.
I would’ve killed her brothers at the hotel. With my bare hands. Anything to make sure she was safe.
The whole drive back to Noah’s, I could feel her eyes on me, watching me. She hadn’t said a word the whole drive back home. I knew she was scared and tired, but I didn’t have much to give her right now. At least not anything that would come without anger. I needed to process the whole fucking day first.
The moment we returned to the penthouse, I tried to put some distance between us in the foyer. “I’ll be in the conference room.”
Diana reached for me. “Rafe, I know this is a lot. And I just want to say thank you. For everything.”
Her fingertips grazed my arm, and I deftly sidestepped. “I said I would protect you and I am. I’ll see you later. See if Lucia or JJ are here. Don’t leave.”
I would’ve thought that went without saying, but given everything that had happened, I didn’t exactly trust her to stay put. Granted, she wouldn’t be able to leave. Not with Matthias’s eagle eye on all the cameras.
“So when can we talk about everything?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know. Not now. We’ll talk later.”
I was an asshole. I knew it. But I needed some time away from her.
As soon as I was in the conference room, I sagged against the wall, finally letting the fear, anger, worry, and shame wash over me. I’d pushed her to go in today, and Emilie almost had her arrested. I was fucking pissed at Alan for his bullshit. And the shame, that went without saying. I’d been part of the biggest trauma in her lifetime. There was no saying I’m sorry for that.
Luckily no one was around. From the schedule I’d seen earlier that week, Tweedledee and Tweedledum, what I’d taken to calling Ryan and Dylan, were out on bad-husband-babysitting duty. Oskar was off. And Jonas and Noah were busy with the new trainee assessment. I assumed Lucia and JJ were home, but now that I thought about it, there might have been some fashion thing or other on the calendar.
After nanny-gate of last year, Isabella was with Nonna and the nanny. It was going to be a minute until they trusted a stranger again. Matthias was on watch as always, monitoring the cameras.
And the kid couldn’t really judge me, could he?
But after a moment of self-indulgence, I got to work. All I wanted was to keep Diana safe and to find the jewel. If her brothers wanted it, maybe I could bargain with them for her life.
When we’d left my place, I’d brought the contents of my safe with us. I went straight for the safe in the conference room, punched in the code, and found what I was looking for. My files. There had to be something I had missed.
That diamond, I’d never seen it. Why were all fingers pointing to me? Emilie had practically called me a thief. Did the bureau really think I had it in me?
Yes.
If I were being honest with myself, I had been under Orion’s thumb for a long time. I could’ve turned. But hadn’t I proven myself by now?
The diamond had been missing all this time. Hadn’t I already proven my loyalty to the good guys? I forced myself to focus on the time I would just as soon forget. But as much as I went through the files, through past operatives, nothing stood out. Nothing about that mission at all.
Every single thing I’d been told checked out. Except for the fact that Diana, well Larissa in this case, was not supposed to be at home. Had Orion known? Had he hoped I would take care of her? Or maybe he didn’t care one way or the other.
I had gone in through the service entrance when one of the service trucks was leaving. I’d disarmed the security cameras and followed the schematics straight to the office. The old man, as usual, had dinner in the dining room and eventually retired to his office for a drink to start his business calls.
Except that night had been different. That night, I had been waiting for him. And unfortunately, so had Diana.
I scrubbed my hand over my face, trying to get the image of her dark eyes staring up at me out of my head. My mind played tricks on me, intertwining my images of her.
Her dark eyes staring at me full of fear, full of terror, then morphing into the woman who challenged me. To the woman who chased me down a dark alley, hoping to help me.They’re the same person. I need to be able to merge them in my head.
I loved the woman. I’d spent too much time worrying about the girl. I just needed to get my brain around the fact that the woman I loved had been that girl. How could she be with me? Knowing what I had done to her father?
Unfortunately for me, as much as I wanted seclusion, the files offered no reprieve. I would need to talk to her.
