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"You would've been killed," I said, shrugging.
Asterion's nostrils flared, possibly in offense, or perhaps just strong feeling. I turned my hand in his, and before he could pull away I answered his grip with my own, fiercer than I'd managed the last time he'd been brave enough to touch me.
"They left me underground for the weeks that followed," I said, ignoring Asterion's flinch. "But there was a moment in the hall one night. I think he was speaking of me, discussing my transport to Persia."
Asterion sat up straighter at that, turning to Conall. "We hadn't considered he might want somewhere closer to the territory he lost."
"You think he wants to establish a new temple or a new house?" Laszlo asked.
"He would take Evanthia for a house," Conall answered. "Perhaps he's already started one beneath our notice?"
"A house in Persia…a temple in the East Indies." Asterion rose abruptly from the table, turning to the bookshelves. His movement disrupted my twisted vision, setting the room back to rights, and I caught my breath with a sudden inhale.
"The East Indies?" Laszlo asked, head tipping. "You didn't mention—"
"I would rather search every inch of this earth and be wrong a hundred times than miss an opportunity to catch Birsha in his hiding," Asterion said, tugging down a large book, opening it, and scowling at the pages. "Your maps are wildly out of date."
Laszlo rolled his eyes. "Yes, well, it is difficult to keep up with the ambitions of the empire in recent years."
"Centuries," Conall teased, but he only gave Laszlo his attention for a moment, instead turning to me and gentling his tone. "The conversation has put you off your dinner,mo chroí."
"We should leave you—" Asterion started.
"No, I'm fine, I promise," I rushed out, picking up my fork and knife again, forcing myself to take a bite and ignoring the three pairs of eyes watching me as I chewed. Conall was right that I'd lost my appetite in the conversation, but it came back, flavors warming on my tongue.
Asterion continued his hunt for a map, Conall finishing his own meal and joining in the search, their voices lowered now to avoid disturbing me.
"I know…"
I startled in my seat, not surprised that Laszlo remained with me, but shocked by the tentative tone of his voice, the stumble and pause of his words. He cleared his throat, eyes fixed on the door, and I thought he might not speak at all, or even rise and leave.
"I know there is a great deal of life you missed during your time with Birsha," Laszlo said softly, focus sliding in my direction, shoulders tipping toward me. "I don't wish to deprive you of anything, any experience, but please know that this castle is your sanctuary as long as you should wish it."
The castle?I wondered.Or the men within its walls?
CHAPTER14
STUBBORN MONSTERS
Iretched once more into the pot, wincing as bile burnt my throat and stung inside my nose, the stench making my already unsteady insides wobble in warning. I stepped away, turning to the fresh pitcher of water. There was no longer a bowl to pour its contents into, but I used a sheet of linen to wash my face with and a cup to rinse my mouth.
My bed remained at the corner of my vision, vast and threatening. I was exhausted, but I knew better than to expect any relief, not in my own room. Giving into sleep would only tempt another nightmare to come and claim me, and the one lingering at the corners was still too fresh.
I sipped more water, staring at the fire, trying to organize the details of the dream. It hadn't been a memory. I had little contact with Birsha directly, but I remembered those moments with almost perfect clarity. The only obscure parts were his features—features which had been sharp and stark in the nightmare, and now lost once more in the shock of waking.
My hands shook as I grabbed my robe and wrapped it around myself, toes diving into the slippers that sat warming in front of the fire.
I would make my way down to Hywel. I'd find rest there if I didn't…if I didn't find company on the way down.
I paused, my door half-open, and realized that I didn't want to go back to sleep. I didn't want to curl up in Hywel's scales unless he was going to open his eyes and grin with all the terrifying beauty of his dragon's smile. I wantedcompany. I wanted someone to take my hand and pull me into their chest, wanted another body's heat to warm mine. Poetry, whether bawdy or beautiful, would be welcome too.
I had no idea where any of the others slept or if I would be welcome if I appeared in their rooms, but I was halfway down the stairs and realized I didn't have to worry. Conall and Asterion's voices were clear, somewhere downstairs but easily made out.
I took a deep breath, hurrying my steps. Conall would coax Asterion into staying, probably to soothe me. Perhaps I could convince them both to keep me company and offer me comfort.
"You're being an ass."
My steps faltered at Conall's hiss.
