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"No," I said, shaking my head. "This isn't about work."
"Do you want me to stay?" Laszlo murmured.
I shook my head. I knew what Asterion saw when he looked at the pair of us. I supposed I should've been grateful he waited to speak to me rather than simply vanishing in the night. If I was going to get anything meaningful out of him, it would be when we were alone.
Do youneedanything from him?
I stopped at the thought. Laszlo raised my hand to his lips, kissing the back of it and then stepping away. Asterion seemed to waver for a moment, deciding between escaping out the door or stepping through to make room for the gryphon. He settled on the latter.
Why did it make me so angry that Asterion wanted to leave? That Conall insisted on doing so? Wasn't Asterion right, in a way? I liked Laszlo, his company. Hywel too. The pair of them could provide for and protect me for as long as I required them. Wanted them.
So why did I want to grab at Asterion's switching tail, take his horns in my fist, and drag him to my bed? He was beautiful, certainly. I had no doubt he'd be a powerful lover. He had rescued me at least once already.
Was that all it took for me to try and lay claim on him?
"I don't want you to leave," I said when we were alone.
Asterion stepped forward once and then stopped himself, head turning down again. "You're safe here. Conall and I were only ever an extraneous precaution. It's obvious Laszlo would never allow anything to happen to you. And you must realize he is…Hywel too… They are…"
"I don't want you to leave the castle. I don't want you to leave the room when I enter it. I—"
"They are mating you, Evanthia," Asterion said, looking up at last, endless dark eyes meeting mine.
The words hit me roughly, dried my tongue and tightened my throat. I would've looked away if I could have, but Asterion had always been too powerful, too potent, for me to hide from.
"They will keep you safe. I won't even call Hywel to the battlefield. He should remain here with you—"
"Stop, please," I gasped, my head shaking.
Asterion stilled, and his head tilted, a line creasing down the center of his brow. "Do you…not want them?"
My mouth opened and closed, my hands rising to fold and press over my rampaging heart as it stormed in my chest.
Asterion moved to me at last, huge and solid, every step making floor beneath my own feet more solid. "Have they hurt you?"
"No," I managed, head shaking. "It's not—I want—Asterion…"
Asterion's head ducked, and his hands hovered around my shoulders. If I swooned, he would catch me, but not before. "Tell me what you want,théa."
I have, I thought. But he hadn't listened.
"I don'tknow!" I moaned. "I don't know what I want. I don't know what Iam. I don't know if I am a lover or if I am only someone who needs to devour you all. How can I be their mate when I am not myself?" I cried out. My eyes were filling with acid, but I blinked it away, and since Asterion would not touch me I had to grab him myself.
"Of course you can be—"
"No! Asterion,listen. There are parts of me that aregonenow. They will not come back."
"Evanthia," he whispered, voice choked.
"I needyou. And Laszlo. And Hywel. And Conall. But not…not the way any of you would like to be needed. I don't want you properly. I know that isn't fair to you, but I will stand here and beg you not to go," I admitted, crying openly now, ignoring the sound of my voice or the painful cut of the words on my tongue.
"You are whole, I promise you,théa."
"I am not a woman to be loved, Asterion. I am a pit to heap into and never be filled!"
"Stop," he said, his hands grabbing my arms at last, shaking me slightly with the force of his own refusal.
"I would take every bit of you and the others for myself. And if you mustrun from me, do so for your own sake, but not for mine!" I shouted, my voice cracking like glass with the truth.
