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What are you doing?I typed, then deleted.What are WE doing?Delete.Why do you want me to have feelings when the whole point of this arrangement is to avoid having feelings…Delete.
My parents
Delete.
My sister
Delete.
I put on that uniform for you, and I’m not gonna be responsible for the consequences
Delete.
Evergreen
I left that on my screen, unsent.
Walking to my closet, I slid open the door. My cheerleading uniforms were pushed all the way to the left, stuffed behind the black lace dress I wore to a formal last fall and a bright pink raincoat Sydney had convinced me to buy. There were uniforms for warm game days and uniforms for cold days. There were skirts with slits and skirts without, a combo with a stripe down the side, outfits that were red on white and white on red. There was a tracksuit with a jacket and pants. But I knew which one Patrick would want to see. The cropped shell that barely fit, showing my belly, and a tiny skirt, the one with a zipper that didn’t go all the way up.
My phone buzzed again.
Wear it on your way over. I want you in it when I answer my door.
I deleted the safe word.Can’t. I’m not on the squad anymore.
So put something over it.I could practically hear the exasperated patience in his voice.
I sank down on the bed and rubbed my forehead.
Chimes sounded from my phone. I scrabbled for it and blindly took the call.
“Patrick?” I said, breathless.
“Excuse me.” My mother’s voice filled the line. “Who is Patrick? This is your mother.”
I took a deep breath.I am in control. I am an adult.
“Hi, Mom.”
“I’m shocked, Christina. I’m absolutely shocked. I don’t know what to say. I opened the email and I didn’t even know what I was seeing. Is there a mistake?”
“No mistake.”
“That’s all you have to say?”
I clenched my fists at my sides. It took everything I had to speak calmly.
“I know that I didn’t stay on top of everything last semester. It won’t happen again.”
“How are we supposed to believe you? You lied to us. You said you had everything under control. When I tell Dad, he’s going to hit the roof. I’m ready to tell you to come home now and stop wasting our money.”
“Mom, I’m bringing my grades up. I’m redoing my final projects for the classes I didn’t pass.”
“That's not the real world.”
“Excuse me?”
“There are no second chances in life.”
