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“That's not true!” My voice rose.
“Of course it’s true. Don’t argue, I’ve been around longer than you.” She sounded so certain. My parents always spoke from a place of total, absolute certainty.
“That’s bullshit, Mom. Everyone can change. No one’s trapped by their past.”
“How dare you talk to me that way? But then, what do you know about it? You’ve never had to deal with real life. Dad and I have tried, but you’re spoiled. You obviously haven’t learned anything we taught you.”
“Mom, calm down.”
“I don’t want to calm down.” Her voice rose. “I’m talking about you and your future, which you’re throwing away. Your grades, your accomplishments, your chances with a good man—”
“What do men have to do with it?” I shoved the middle drawer of my desk closed, hiding my dirty secrets.
“You couldn’t hold on to Dexter.”
“I didn’twantto hold on to Dexter! I was the one who dumped him.”
“Exactly. In three years, you’re not going to be where your sister is, engaged to a wonderful fiancé and at the top of her law school class. You’re going to have no job and no prospects, you’re going to lose everything you have, because you don’t take anything seriously.”
“Will you stop it?” My control cracked. I hated the anger that came only in these conversations with my parents, anger that blinded me and made my throat swell up and my words disappear. “Get off my case. It’s my life.”
“Which we gave you,” my mother snapped. “We gave you your life, we gave you everything. We sacrificed so you could have an education. Your sister has accomplished so much, she’s making us so proud, and you’re taking what we give you and you’re throwing it in the trash. You’re going to be like your friend, that Sydney.”
I gulped a lungful of air. “Leave Sydney out of this.”
“Why do you think we don’t want you to live with her? We met her, we saw who she is. She has no responsibility. She expects everyone to take care of her. She thinks only about today. Not yesterday, not tomorrow.”
“Mom, listen. I’m not like that. I don’t expect anyone to take care of me.”
“No? You want everything handed to you. Alexis—”
“Don’t talk to me about Alexis,” I hissed.
“I just don’t understand. I don’t know what Dad and I did wrong, to raise two daughters who are so different. When are you going to learn, Christina? What’s it going to take?”
I pulled the phone away from my ear. My finger hovered over the red button, but I couldn’t hang up on my mom. Instead, I let her yell herself out until she hung up first.
This time, I didn’t throw my phone. My fingers clenched around it, turning white. My eyes stung, and I could barely swallow.
I texted Patrick.
Can I come over?
His answer came back almost immediately.You’re two hours early.
I don’t have anything better to do.I drummed my fingers on my knee until my phone buzzed.
Try again.
Shoving my chair back from my desk, I let it spin. The room circled me.
Please, Patrick.
That’s a start.
I want you.
Keep going.
