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So then I’d been pulled back in.
The business was failing, and we could barely make payroll. Things were a fucking mess.
Henri begged me to come on as CFO and iron things out. For years, Dad had been in charge of the financials, and he’d left me with an endless number of messes to clean up.
Frank Gagnon had been a beloved pillar of the community. He was kind and helpful, and in a place like Lovewell, neighbors helped each other.
He gave people jobs and fought hard so every employee could keep those jobs. He donated his time and energy and always had kind words for everyone.
He was my exact opposite. So when Henri called looking for my help, I offered him money. A large enough sum to keep the business afloat while he picked up the pieces. That had been my goal, after all. Make a lot of money so I could provide for my family while keeping a healthy distance.
But the bastard refused. Even acted insulted. Strong-armed me into hauling my ass back here. So I did. And we got to work. And now, two years later, I got it. What I couldn’t understand at the time. Wealth and status and success mean so little. It was about what I was willing to do to get there. And somehow, coming back here, reconnecting with my family, and putting in the work had changed me.
So now, instead of taking work home or drinking alone while I played the piano, I was heading out to meet my little brother. I wasn’t sure what the new Paz would look like, but I was beginning to think he would be an improvement.
* * *
My baby brother was infuriating. He was good at everything, especially pool. He had just beaten me for the second time, and now I had to buy dinner. He had invited me to hang out with him at the Moose while Hazel bartended.
The pathetic sap couldn’t go even a few hours without his wife, so he insisted on parking himself at the bar and making eyes at her while she worked. It was disgusting.
But he was healthy, sober, and in love. And I had let my own bullshit get in the way for too long. Parker was right. It was time to man up and own my shit.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I had to do this. Parker said growth was painful and difficult. But I needed to clear the air.
“I owe you an apology.”
Remy quirked his head. “Really?”
“Yes.” I thrust my hands in the pockets of my jeans because I didn’t know what else to do with them. “I owe apologies to the whole family, actually. But specifically to you. And Hazel.”
He narrowed his eyes. Remy was generally the happy-go-lucky, not a big deal type, but I knew I’d hurt him.
“I’ve been carrying around so much anger. Most of it directed at myself. And instead of dealing with it like a fucking adult, I lashed out. At everyone, but mainly at you.”
I rubbed at my chest. Fuck, that was hard. But once I opened my mouth, the right words did fall out. I had to accept the consequences of my actions and push forward in the right direction.
“Honestly, Remy, you scared the shit out of me when you fell apart. Losing Dad rocked my world, and I hated myself for not being closer to him, for not being here like you guys were. And then Henri’s accident and your issues. It was too much. I shut down and let my inner asshole take over.”
There. That was a start. If I had any hope of maintaining my relationships and keeping Gagnon Lumber going for future generations, then I had to start living up to my dad’s example, and owning up to my mistakes was priority number one.
“So what I’m trying to say is that I’m sorry. According to Parker, I’m an emotionally stunted man child who lashes out as a defense mechanism.”
A slow smile spread across Remy’s face. “Shit, she’s smart.”
“Yes, she is. It’s annoying as fuck, actually.” I shook my head.
The way she could read me was terrifying. But in this moment, I understood how valuable her insight was. “When you had your breakdown, then Henri got hurt, I snapped. The fear became all-consuming, and I couldn’t shake it, no matter how hard I tried. I was so mad at you for putting yourself in danger. Because the thought of losing either of you paralyzed me.”
And then I went numb. Too much loss, too much fear. Because suddenly everything felt out of my control. I fixated on fixing the business and keeping everyone safe. I’d spent my entire life thinking that if I just worked hard enough, I could wrap everyone up in a protective bubble, and my money would insulate us. But that wasn’t real life.
Remy stepped toward me and opened his arms. “I accept your apology,” he said, pulling me into a tight hug.
“You don’t have to. You can hate me.”
He punched my shoulder. “I could never hate you. I’ve been a shithead too.”
“I’ve been spiraling for years and only recently realized it. Not sure I can correct all my issues, but I want to make things right with the family.”
