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“A bad man,” he assured her. “He and his brother were trying to kidnap Jasper and Anarchy for…nefarious reasons.” Probably best not to tell her that the two men had also been her half-brothers, and the kidnapping had been ordered by her father. “There’s a whole story behind it, but basically, Archie got away, and Jasper was fighting one of the guys when he suffered an injury. Archie came back and,” Saul blew out a breath, “she ran the fucker over with a truck.”
“Dead?” she whispered.
“Pretty damn dead, bunny.”
“But she’s not in prison.”
“No, she’s not, because this family is like no other you will ever find. It goes above and beyond to protect who it loves, and I’m really sorry to tell you this, Caera, but I think you’ve been adopted. Into the right family this time.”
It didn’t have the effect he hoped. Caera resumed staring out across the water, her shoulders slumping as she hugged her knees again. “They need to forget about me. So do you. No one wants someone hanging around, bringing pain like a party favor, Saul, and I refuse to do that to your friends. So you should go. I’m just going to sit here for a while where it’s quiet and think about…things.”
“Will you think about me?”
Her voice was tight and full of tears. “You most of all.”
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Chapter Nine
This was a lot harder than she’d bargained for when she ran from the house. Streaking through the darkness, no idea where she was going, trying to dodge angry dogs and the thoughts buzzing in her own head like hornets.
Somehow Saul had found her, complicating matters considerably. He was good with words and knew how to use them to weave strings around her. If she wasn’t careful, he would try to save her, and she would let him.
She wasn’t vital, she wasn’t essential to the world spinning around on its axis in space.
Saving her was a lesson in how to hurt people without ever meaning to.
“How long are you planning on sitting here in the damp grass, thinking about me?”
Caera shrugged listlessly. “Until the sun comes up.”
“That long, huh? It’s not even midnight yet, bunny.” Saul’s eyes were on her again—she could feel them. “Why are we waiting until the sun rises?”
“There’s no we, Saul.”
“Hmm, I beg to differ. See, when a man falls in love with a woman, there’s not much he won’t do to keep her safe, even from herself. Now I don’t know if this is a really bad reaction to everything that’s happened today or if it runs deeper, but I’m not letting you do anything tonight, little rabbit. Or tomorrow, the day after, or a fucking decade from now.”
She slid her eyes toward him. “It’s not your call.”
“Technically, no. But in my eyes, I have double trump cards. For one—and I’m happy to play this one as often as necessary—I love you, Caera. I’d rather be inside you when I tell you that, but sitting by a moonlit pond on a chilly September night will have to do. I can say it whenever you need me to.” He exhaled softly. “Two, I will yank my Dom card out and slap it on the table. My cock, too, if that makes any impact on the situation.”
A sad laugh bubbled free as she imagined that long length of penis thumping down on a tabletop like a judge’s gavel. That thing would get anyone’s attention. “Love can’t save everything, Saul. I love you, I really do, more than anything I’ve ever loved…you redefine the word for me, but that doesn’t change the fact that being with me, being near me, will bring you more suffering than you can imagine.”
“Is that not my choice? Did you ever consider that it’s not you hurting people? Living hurts, Caera. Getting up every day, breathing, socializing…every little thing we fucking do hurts us. Interaction with other people hurts us. There is such a dark side to being alive that no one wants to admit aloud.” Growling under his breath, he reached out and curled his hand around her side, sliding her wet butt over the grass and sitting her on his lap. “And then there’s this. Connection, little rabbit. Building friendships and romances, turning attraction into family and tribe. Love,” he murmured against her ear, “can heal absolutely fucking anything if you’re brave enough to stick through the bad shit and give love the opportunity to heal.”
It sounded wonderful. Appealing, even. But how was she supposed to risk everything she’d found with him, risk him, when her track record proved she was universally fated to fail in everything she did?
At least when she sank into the water, he wouldn’t hate her. Well, maybe he would, because she was taking herself away from him, but it wouldn’t be the soul-deep loathing that came with having his heart broken after she destroyed him and pulled his family apart at the seams.
“I’m broken, Saul. Nameless, faceless people broke me, and I don’t know how to put myself back together.” She shifted carefully on his lap, leaning into him. “I’m at the point where it’s simpler to think about dying than it is to consider living like this. Can you understand that?”
“Yes.”
“Then you’ll let me go? Walk away and forget about me?”
“No, little rabbit. I understand, but I’m not doing that. If you’re broken, then we will fix you. If we can’t fix you, then we’ll break what’s left of you down to dust and rebuild you into whatever, whoever you want to be.” He held onto her tighter, as though he thought she might slip away without him realizing it. “Don’t let go, Caera. Don’t give up. Tossing roses onto your casket isn’t the last memory I want of you.”
Goddamn him. Goddamn him! Why did it shatter her heart to think of him standing beside an open grave as a coffin was lowered into the ground, throwing flowers onto the glossy wooden top. Standing alone, watching a woman who’d never really belonged in this world being entombed in the dark where she’d lived all her life.
