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“Huh?” My stomach trembled. When Spencer winced, I said, “Just spit it out.”
“Okay, um…” He sat up and fluffed the pillow behind him. “Some of the guys are talking.”
“About what?” I asked, though I knew. One of my worst fears realized.
“About how you and Lark disappeared during the carnival.”
“Well, at first we left to get more tickets for games, and then on the way decided to do some shots first, but then Lark—”
He held up a hand. “You don’t need to rehash it. You already told me what happened.”
I sank down on the edge of my bed, trying to control my breathing as I waited for him to continue. When he didn’t say anything, I blurted out, “I can’t help it that he got tipsy. I couldn’t leave him. Isn’t that what friends do—support each other?”
He folded his arms and studied me. “That’s what I’m trying to do, but if you don’t tell me what’s going on, how can I defend you?”
“Why don’t you leave that to me?”
“You know how they gossip,” he countered.
“What are they saying exactly?”
“Flash was saying…” He trailed off as his face got red. “Never mind. It’s dumb.”
“You should tell me so I know,” I said, despite being afraid of his answer.
“Flash started it, and then A-Train jumped in…saying that since you never hook up with girls, maybe you’d rather hang out with Lark.”
My gut churned as acid climbed up the back of my throat. I sat there motionless for what felt like an entire minute before looking Spencer in the eye.
“And what do you think?” I asked around a scratchy throat.
“I don’t know… It’s true you rarely, if ever, hook up. But until Bones said it, I guess I never thought about it like that before. I mean, you told me about how you and Lark know each other, and all that makes sense. And I haven’t betrayed your trust. I wouldn’t, so if there’s anything else you want to talk about, I’m here for you.”
“What? No, I…” I jumped up and started pacing the room.
“You’re freaking out right now, Hen. Take some deep breaths and calm down.”
I rounded on him. “How would you feel if the guys were talking about you? I’m supposed to be their captain, and if I can’t keep their respect on and off the field…”
“They respect the hell outta you, which is probably why they won’t say this to your face! Maybe I shouldn’t have brought it up.”
“No, I’m glad you did.” He was right; I needed to get a hold of myself.
He nodded. “To answer your question, I guess I’d prove them wrong somehow.”
“By doing what, exactly? Hooking up with a girl?”
“Well, yeah,” he replied with a laugh, like it was the simplest thing in the world.
“I wouldn’t want to use someone like that,” I said as an excuse, though it was true.
“Uh, I’m pretty sure some girls would want to use you just to say they hooked up with the quarterback. As long as both of you are upfront about it. Consenting adults and all that.”
“Yeah, I know…” But just the thought of it made my stomach bottom out.
I didn’t want to touch anyone but Lark.
Did he even feel the same about me? Likely not. What did I expect? I had to remain in the closet, and we’d made it clear it would be a casual thing. I couldn’t even be that bummed about it because he helped me know with absolute certainty that I liked guys, and I especially liked him. Which meant I was in over my head. But there was so much to appreciate about him, outside of the blowjobs and kissing. I liked hanging with him at his house and at school. He was smart and interesting and determined in a way many other students weren’t, and that probably had everything to do with his struggles. It gave him depth, and now I had to wonder what he even saw in me.
