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“Come on, man. I was worried about you. Just give me something. You’re not as unreadable as you think you are.”
“Sorry you were worried. I just couldn’t face anyone.” Well, I wasn’t really alone, was I? How one of the lowest points in my life turned into one of the highlights was unbelievable. “Especially after I blew the game.”
“We’ve all had shitty games.”
His response was reminiscent of my mom’s response when I finally returned my parents’ call that afternoon. Dad seemed less steamed about the game than he might’ve been had I spoken to him the night before. He also made no mention of the team gossip about Lark, and I was glad for it.
“Everyone has bad days,”Mom had said, trying to keep the peace, and Dad reluctantly agreed.
“And,” Spencer now went on, “I think the reason why the note thing is bothering you so much is because…”
My heart was beating out of my chest. “Because?”
“Because Lark means a lot to you.”
“He does,” I admitted. “And I…I want…but I think if the guys knew, they would…fuck!” I buried my face in my pillow and groaned.
“It’ll all blow over,” Spencer said softly, “but I still think you should tell them how you really know Lark, despite what your dad says.”
“Yeah, I know. Maybe I will after practice tomorrow.”
“As far as how you really feelabout Lark…” My pulse throbbed as I waited for whatever Spencer was going to say. “You can save that for another time. When you’re ready. But I’m here for you all the way.”
The room grew so quiet I could hear my pulse beating in my ears.
“Thanks, Spence.” My voice was laced with emotion when I added, “Don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Same, buddy. Same.”
The following morning, Lark texted:I heard Emil and Bones talking about the letter when I met him at his dorm room.
What did they say?
Emil told Bones they were idiots, but afterward he asked about it on the way to class. So I told him about the letter and why I’d written it back then. Hope that’s okay.
I felt terrible that Lark had been drawn into this, all because of a decision my father had made. One I hadn’t pushed back on enough. And okay, sure, maybe that could fly in high school, but now I was an adult and beyond ready to distance myself, whatever the consequences.
Yeah, of course. You’ve been quiet long enough for no good reason. After practice everyone will know anyway.
I think you’ll feel relieved and like you’ve gotten over at least one hurdle. And now that your coach is in your corner, it’ll all work out, you’ll see.
I tried to look on the bright side, but my gut churned regardless. I hated that my father’s misguided approval had influenced me for so long.
Thanks.
By Monday lunchtime, nothing hadblown overas Spencer predicted, and everyone seemed to know about the letter. Obviously, someone on the team thought it was funny or titillating to share what had gone down.
In any other circumstance, I would’ve let it go. It wasn’t like Lark and I had been caught having sex in the bell tower—which was one thing to be thankful for; I’d be able to keep that mind-blowing experience all to myself.
But just like I’d told Lark, the discovery of the note felt like the beginning of my unraveling. I was having chest pains on and off all day and could barely eat anything. It would be a relief to finally tell my teammates about my medical history. They’d hear about it soon enough anyway, especially if my persistent symptoms meant the cancer had returned.
It was awkward at the lunch table, so I should’ve waited to grab something to eat after my next class. It felt like the guys were treating me with kid gloves. But could I blame them after the way I’d acted—and then went on to blow the game?
Flash tried to make amends, but it fell flat after a weekend of ignoring each other.
“I’m sorry that finding your note put you in a bad headspace for the game,” he said quietly as we were leaving the dining hall. “I was just being an idiot.”
“Yeah, you were. Maybe read the room before you decide to ham it up for the guys.”
