AllFreeNovel
Share Us
He nodded sullenly as we parted ways.
I walked through the rest of my day like a zombie, gearing up for practice and to ultimately get this off my chest. Even though it felt like I was betraying my father, I knew it was the right thing to do. His fears about it all were misguided. Besides, even if some of them did treat me as weak or delicate afterward, I could prove them wrong by leading the team to the playoffs. The season was far from over.
And afterward, I would make an appointment with my oncologist and ask them to run tests.
The beginning of practice was awful. My throws were mostly on target, but the offensive line and I were not meshing at all. There were dropped passes and low energy, and I needed to do something about it.
“Coach,” I said, jogging over to him. “Do you mind if we take a ten-minute break so I can talk to the team?”
“What do you have in mind?”
“You’ll see. Just…trust me?”
“Go for it.”
Coach blew the whistle and motioned for the team and assistants to meet on the fifty-yard line. I was pacing, my hands were clammy, and the sooner I got this over with, the better.
When I had everyone’s attention, I said, “I’m sorry I was off my game on Saturday.”
There was a low rumble.
“I allowed what happened on the bus to get to me.”
“Hey, it’s okay,” Spencer said. “You’re human, just like the rest of us.”
“Thanks, but I still feel like I need to explain myself.”
I saw the relief in Spencer’s eyes as he nodded in support. Coach’s eyebrows had risen to his hairline, but I ignored him, tuning in to my teammates and their uncomfortable body language.
“The reason why Flash finding that note and reading it out loud bothered me so much is because”—because I love Lark and feel protective of him—of us—“because when I was a kid, I had cancer. Leukemia.”
Coach’s eyes went comically wide, but he stepped forward as if to offer me support. Maybe he was even relieved, who knew. Guess I was about to find out.
“I was in the hospital for a couple of months, and I underwent a bone-marrow transplant. That was where I met Lark Levitt. He had cancer too. It was tough because we were so sick and didn’t know if we would live or die. There were some hard days, and we grew close because, well, who wouldn’t, going through that together?” Most of the team looked shell-shocked as they listened closely. Flash looked green and remorseful. “I left the hospital first, and after we said goodbye, we never saw each other again. That note got me through some tough days in my recovery. That’s why I keep it. It means something to me. I never thought I’d see him again, so I was stunned to have him show up at Roosevelt. I was relieved to see he’d made it too. That he was alive.”
“Holy shit, why didn’t you just tell us that?” Bones said, throwing his hands up.
Coach immediately shushed him. “Let him finish.”
“The thing is, my dad wanted me to keep my health history private. He thought people would only see me as a kid in remission and not judge me based on my academic or athletic skills. Like maybe you’d feel sorry for me or think I couldn’t cut it.”
“Which is obviously not true,” Coach said, thumping my shoulder. I wouldn’t say that it was sort of true, given Spencer’s initial response to the news. But I still thought my dad’s idea was ill-advised. Especially since it should’ve been my decision to make, not his.
“So I kept it secret all through high school and part of college. Coach knows, of course, and so does Spence, but it’s getting harder to keep it to myself. What I experienced is part of who I am, and I want more than ever to just be my true self.”In more ways than one.I took a deep breath. “Sometimes our parents mean well, but in the end, it’s really up to us, isn’t it? To make something of our lives and try to find happiness?”
When there was a murmur of assent from my teammates and coaches, I felt like they got it. Flash mouthed, “Sorry, dude,” and I nodded, knowing he meant it.
So maybe…maybe I could say the rest of it too, about me and Lark.
“Anything else you want to share?” Coach asked me.
My voice shook when I replied, “Just one more thing.” My heart was beating out of my chest. What the hell was I doing? I had given me and Lark an actual out now to be friends. Wasn’t that enough?
Somehow it didn’t feel like it. I wanted everyone in the universe to know how I felt about him. How much I wanted to be with him—openly. To hold his hand anytime I wanted to.
I looked at my teammates, my friends, who were more like a dysfunctional family, hoping they would understand and accept all of it. All of me.
I opened my mouth to push the words out, but my eyesight grew spotty, and the ground swayed beneath my feet. I reached out my hand to find purchase, my fingertips fumbling to grip Coach’s bicep. It didn’t help as my knees gave out and the world went black.
