Page 53 of Vow of Silence


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MANHATTAN, NEW YORK

Now that I was back in New York, I felt like I couldn't breathe underneath my father's thumb. I felt small, caged, and useless. These were the feelings that I had felt since I was the age of five. He always projected one thing in front of everybody, but never failed to tell me how he found me defective. I realized now that my father would always reduce me to a pair of useless ears. Regardless of how I thought I dealt with his opinion of me, it always cut me deep. My phone vibrated in my pocket, which was puzzling since Anya had my phone and this was just the one in my possession.

Who has this number?

Pulling it out, I immediately smiled. I should have known it would be the genius himself, Mikhail.

I'm coming to your house. Whatever you do, don't lose your temper. I have a plan.

Like most men, I hated doctors but I wasn’t stupid enough to confuse health with wealth. I had the high blood pressure medication that was prescribed but usually I didn’t have to take it. Lifestyle changes, healthy eating and exercising along with homeopathic remedies kept my numbers in check. When I was unable to control my temper, I had to take the prescription medicine.

I opened the cabinet and I popped a pill in my mouth. His text had given me bad vibes. I couldn’t have my head burst before I made love to Anya. The only thing that was halfway keeping me sane was knowing that she was on her way here. It had only been two days and I already missed her. I missed her sassy attitude, sullen expression, passion, and her wit. Although I couldn’t see him, I could smell his cologne. He intentionally found ways to test my survival skills.

Why test me only to find me lacking?

It didn't matter if I passed in the end, to him I was still deaf.

Without looking at him, I closed the cabinet. “Is there something you need Father?”

I turned to face him at last.

A cruel smile formed on his lips. “Your girlfriend will be in my custody soon. Don't think for a second that I don't know if you have feelings for Anya. I still haven't decided whether she should live. Before I will call our physician, is there anything that you want to tell me?”

Asshole. What is wrong with you?

My fists balled at my side. The fact that he thought I would knock her up before coming here was preposterous. I would never defile her. There was no reason we should rush it. What was going on between us was not for anyone to judge.

I shook my head. “No. What we have between us is deeper than me thrusting in and out without a condom.”

“Good. I've taught you not to thrust anywhere bareback except with your wife. That lying Russian bitch is not wife material for anyone, let alone my son.”

Tilting my head, I counted the ceiling tiles. My blood was boiling and I hadn’t spoken with Mikhail yet. My father knew where to poke and prod me to get a reaction.

I snorted. “Don’t worry, I have more respect for her than you do for me.”

Wham.

My face whipped to the side as the blow of the backhand turned my face. I tasted my blood as it filled my mouth. It was hard to remain still. He wasn’t just the Don; he was my father. It was true we had our issues, but I would never disrespect him. Gone were the days when he could attempt to beat me into submission. I wasn’t some wet behind the ear teenager. There was a reason that I lived in Ireland and he lived in the United States.

I wiped the blood from the corners of my mouth. “Father, have you forgotten that beating me into a submission doesn't work?”

“I don't want to beat you into submission. I want your submission, not some fake acceptance of my rule. You’re my son. You’ll do as I say. I’m your Don and your father second.”

“You're not my Don. My voice bursts free. You have never treated me like the loneliest Made Man. The fucking housekeepers gets more respect than I do. You have always been ashamed of me, so why don’t you just disown me and I’ll go back to Ireland.”

“Cian, I don’t feel….”

“Save your lies. I’ll always be deaf. Your son is not perfect. You've attempted multiple devices, surgeries, multiple doctors, and killed anyone that told you it was useless. When will you just accept me for who I am? Why don’t you take out your gun, put it in my mouth, and save me this endless torment.”

He stepped back. “I’m not ashamed of you son.”

I snorted. “Words are nothing. Actions are everything. You taught me that and your actions are not of a father who loves and accepts his son. The men that serve you are ashamed of me because you are. And you wonder why I don’t live here. Why don't you save Felix a coin and have me face the wall and end it all right now.”

He reached for me. “Cian, I would never kill you.”

I threw up my hands. “I'm sorry that I can’t hear, I'm sorry that I’m not perfect.

How foolish of me to think that one day he might try to accept it.”

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