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When I can’t think of anything else to occupy my mind, I grab a Coke and bag of crisps to go to my room and watch a movie in bed.
Closing my door quietly so that I don’t disturb Freya in the next room, I put the Coke down and freeze.
Gasping, I step forwards and realise I’m the worst person in the world.
I reach out with trembling hands and pick up the sunflower laying on my pillow. Casper has left this for me. Was this the first time he’s given a woman a flower?
He’s trying. I think back to what he said in his house about not knowing how to handle this. We’re in the same boat here.
I can do nothing but stare at it like it’s going to disintegrate and fall from the palm of my hand. The soft petals are silk between my fingers.
Is this an apology for getting me arrested and all of the awful shit we’ve said to each other? A bright yellow plea to forgive him and trust him—to trust us.
God, I want to.
I also need to get that spare key back from him.
I run the pad of my finger and thumb along the petals again and again, stopping before I wear holes in them. I snapped at him and stormed out. He left this, and now I bet he wants to whack me over the head with it.
It’s only been about forty-five minutes since I left his house, and I can’t wait another second to make it right. This next conversation we’re about to have is going to be a defining one, and I’m as scared as I am excited.
Casper and me.
Do we jump? I don’t know if I’m ready for that, but I also don’t feel like I have a choice. Going back to how things were before that first kiss seems impossible. Never in a million years did I think we’d be here.
I take the sunflower with me as I sneak back to his place next door.
His house is in total silence when I let myself in, but I know he’s home because his car is in the drive, and he doesn’t walk anywhere.
I make my way upstairs, and that’s where I feel like turning around and running away. But I won’t let myself chicken out.
As I lightly pad up the stairs, I wonder what he’s expecting of me. The flower means something.
My stomach twists in knots as I reach for the door handle.
It’s right then that I hear a woman’s voice and Casper laugh.
What the fuck?
Has he set this up? He knows I’d come over once I found the flower.
No.
I’m such an idiot.
Stop.
Stop and think.
I slow my breaths and try to prevent myself from jumping to all the wrong conclusions.
Our history is telling me he’s playing me, but the flower between my fingers tells me something else entirely.
I hesitate while I wait for my brain to engage.Open the door and go from there.
I’m going to beat him over the head with the flower and key the shiny paintwork on his car on my way home if he’s got someone in there. Then I’m booking myself into therapy because something in my brain isn’t working properly.
Pushing the door open hard, I step inside and wince as the handle bangs against the wall.
