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“Ainsley, wait, please.”
“No!” I shout the word, surprising myself. I realise I’m breathing heavily, and my hands are shaking.
Mum jumps back but doesn’t retreat.
“Things haven’t been easy for me,” she says. “Jess had Bill. Your dad isn’t an easy man to live with.”
“You could’ve left him! God, take some responsibility for once in your life.”
“Ainsley, what’s going on?”
I tense at the sound of his voice. No, no, no. Of all the people who could be walking past right now, ithasto be him. I’m in the middle of the quad, arguing with my estranged mother, barely holding onto my sanity, and he just happens to be passing.
Casper strolls up to us, his eyes glowering, but he doesn’t look angry with me.
“Who the fuck are you?” he asks Katie, sharply.
“Leave it,” I plead, tugging his arm to try to get him to leave with me, desperate to get them away from each other. My worlds are colliding, and it makes me nauseous. “Let’s go.”
“Ainsley, I’m not going anywhere.”
Mum does a double take and clears her throat. She seems scared or apprehensive for a second, but then she stiffens her back. “I’m her mother. Whothe fuckare you?”
Casper’s eyes cut back to me, and I want to run from them both. Not only has he seen me at my most vulnerable with the break-in, but he now has a front row seat to my family drama.
I press my hand to my chest as bile rushes up my throat.
“You are the one who ditched me, meaning you have no right to ask anything. I don’t want a relationship with you,” I tell her.
“Darling, no…”
“She’s given you her answer. Leave.” Casper’s voice is dark and murderous. He was the same the night of the break-in.
“I won’t stop trying,” she says, and her eyes drift back to Casper as if there’s some recognition there. I was standing arguing with him the day I thought I saw her. “I’m not the same person I was back then.”
“Oh, please. You’re still running around with that waste of space, waiting for him to get out of prison so you can both get high. You’re not the only one who’s changed. I’m no longer the little girl who would wait for her mum to come back.”
Casper’s shoulders stiffen.
“Ainsley, I’m sorry,” Katie says.
“Look, you have nothing I want, so don’t waste your energy.”
She hangs her head, wipes an imaginary tear away, and turns to leave. “Okay.”
What, that’s it?
Leaving after two minutes?
Not exactly the actions of a mum desperate to prove she’s serious. I’m grateful, though, because I genuinely don’t want anything from her. My life is complicated enough at the moment.
Casper and I watch her leave. She keeps her head down and walks at a pace somewhere between a jog and a run.
“So… that was your mother.”
“Top marks for listening.” I spin around and walk towards home. My stomach churns with anxiety. I want to get away from them both and hide in a bottle of wine.
Why bother coming back? I bet she just didn’t get time to ask me for money. My aunt will probably give her some now that she’s bothered me. That was likely the plan all along.
