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Ivy hugs me and whispers, “I’m sorry, Immy. It will get easier.”
I give her the best smile I can manage and walk away.
* * *
Later in the evening,I hear the door buzzer while I’m reorganizing the kitchen cabinets. My roommate is away for the weekend, so I can’t imagine who would be ringing the doorbell. Maybe it’s Iris stopping in after work?
I push the intercom. “Yes, who is it?”
“It’s Alex.” His deep, masculine voice causes me to gasp. How can he be here?
My index finger hovers over the button, but I can’t think of anything appropriate to say.
After another minute, he rings again, and I press the button to unlock the door.
I took a spin class two hours ago and haven’t changed or showered. My hair is in a ponytail. I close my eyes and take a calming breath before opening the door.
A few seconds later, Alex fills the door frame. His gaze meets mine. He’s holding a large bouquet of red roses and is dressed in a grey suit that extenuates his lean, powerful frame.
I step back from the doorway, “What do you want?”
He holds out the roses as if he came with a peace offering. “I want you.”
I feel tears threatening. It’s been three weeks. I refuse to allow myself to fall apart in front of him. I cross my arms to stop myself from trembling. “I think you should leave.”
Alex doesn’t move. “I can’t live without you, Imogen. I was a complete idiot not to fight for us.”
I take the flowers and put them on a side table. “It’s not that simple.”
Alex steps inside and closes the door. “It is that simple. We are both smart, capable people. We can figure this out.”
I shake my head. “No. I haven’t heard from you in twenty-three days. If you cared at all, you would have reached out much sooner.”
He moves closer to me. “I threw myself into work. I went to Peru, maybe? I can’t recall exactly. And I took people into the rainforest. Someone almost drowned. Another participant was bitten by a rattlesnake in the middle of the night. I didn’t want to be there.”
I can’t go back. I’ve barely survived the deep, soul-crushing hurt. I hold up my hands. “It’s too late, Alex.”
His moss-green eyes darken. “You’re not in love with me?”
I look away. “It’s not that easy to define how I feel. But I know we are at an impasse, and it’s impossible.”
He places a hand on his chest. “I’m willing to give up leading adventures so we can establish a home, and you can do whatever you want.”
I release the breath I’ve been holding. “That is not who you are. You’d feel confined and miserable in a month or two.”
Alex touches my shoulders. “I feel confined and miserable without you.”
I feel myself softening, but I can’t allow him to convince me this is real. He’ll move on, and I’ll be hurt all over again. It’s better if I accept the pain now. “I know how you feel, but you’ll get over it. Give it time.”
He grasps my upper arms, and the warmth from his long fingers sends heat down my arms. He stares into my eyes as he asks, “Have you gotten over us?”
I take a deep breath and look away from him. “No. But I will. It’s too painful to stay in a place of uncertainty.”
He pulls me into his arms. I let myself enjoy the feel of his embrace and the familiar cedarwood smell of his cologne for a few seconds before I push him away. “You should leave.”
Tears slide down my cheeks, and I wipe them away. Taking a deep breath, I try to calm myself down.
Alex grasps both of my hands and places them on his chest. “I promise not to wall myself off from you. I’ll share every memory or thought.”
