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Being cherished and worshiped was what I deserved, too.
Jameson had his own issues, and I’d known about them before what had happened last night. I didn’t have to let his issues become my issues, and his fears translate into fears of my own.
The conversation changed to other things, and I was grateful I had Nadia in my life. I could turn to her about things I might have wanted to talk to my mom about.
Sometimes I missed her so much, it hurt.
Finally, it was time for me to leave.
“I have to get ready for my shift,” I said.
“Good luck,” Nadia said.
I hugged her and left her apartment, heading to my own. My mind was full of Jameson—since last night, I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him. It was more than usual. He’d been so open and so raw, for a moment, I’d really thought something would happen.
He’d shut it down before we’d gotten there, and I’d decided that was fine. Just because he didn’t want to take it further didn’t mean I wanted to give up on exploring. The world of sex was new and fresh, and I was curious. Why not explore it on my own? I did work for a sex club, where singles came in to meet people and fuck to their heart’s content, and there was no shame in that.
If they could do something like that, so could I.
Tonight was BDSM and voyeur night at the club, which had been a thrill the first time I’d seen it. The sex club had never been straightforward vanilla—it was a sex club in every sense of the world, after all—but the bondage was a whole new level of erotic.
The usual scene of naked people and underwear had changed to whips and leather and cuffs, and the people who’d been tangled up in each other had become tangled up with ropes and gags.
The dress theme for the night was leather and lace, so I decided to dress for it. A leather skirt, a lace bra-and-pantie set, thigh-high lace-up boots, and a frilly open-back top that went along with it. I tied my hair up in a bun on top of my head and put on a choker.
Dark smokey makeup, blood-red lips.
When I looked in the mirror, I barely recognized myself.
And I loved what I saw.
When I arrived at the club, it was just before the doors would open.
Harry whistled through his lips when he saw me.
“Now, if that’s not a sight for sore eyes…” He grinned at me. “I like the costume.”
“What’s the point of a theme party if we can’t dress up a little?” I asked with a smile.
Harry laughed and let me through.
“What’s going on with you?” Amy asked when I walked into the office.
“Just sticking with the program,” I said.
Amy looked me up and down before she flipped her hair over her shoulder and walked to her desk.
I smiled and walked to my desk, getting to work. I waited for Jameson to come to the office and call me for some meeting or an opinion or something, but… nothing.
It doesn’t matter, I told myself. There was more to life than Jameson and his drop-dead gorgeous body, his eyes that bore into my soul, his magic that wrapped itself around me like we were made for each other—
Stop it.
I focused on my work.
The doors opened, and the club became louder around me, the music floating through the walls, the bass pulsing through my veins.
At midnight, I got up to take my snack-break. I usually took a break halfway through the night.
