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I wasn’t boyfriend material! Grumpy alpha, stewing in the horrors of my past? Sure, sign me up, but having a mate?
My life wasn’t set up for that. My mind wasn’t set up for that, myheartwasn’t set up for that.
I should have known this was coming. I didn’t know how I was supposed to know, but who was as drawn to someone as I’d been to Oaklee since the moment we’d met? It should have set off warning bells in my head, and instead of getting closer to her, I should have pushed her away.
I’d told myself it wasn’t a bad thing to have someone I could actually connect with. I’d liked having her around because she made me feel… comfortable. Calm.
When I was with Oaklee, she kept the demons that haunted me at bay for a little while. I’d become complacent, letting myself fall for the warmth that I felt when I was with her. I’d let her creep up on me, letting down my guard, and look at where that had gotten me. If I hadn’t slept with her, I wouldn’t have been in this situation. If I’d only stuck to my rules…
I scrubbed my hands down my face and sank down on the barstool in the entertainment area at home. I hadn’t bothered to pour myself a glass of whiskey—I was nursing the whole damn bottle.
I took another swig. Fuck being a shifter! Our metabolisms were fast, so we healed really easily, but that also meant getting drunk just didn’t work the way it did for humans. I didn’t often envy the humans, the way they had to fight for survival because they were so fragile, but right now, I would have loved to get wasted off my face without drinking bottle after bottle of whiskey to do it.
My phone rang, and my sister’s name flashed on the caller ID.
“I can’t talk right now,” I told her. “I’m…”In the middle of a meltdown.“… busy.”
“I think something’s wrong, Jamie,” Carletta said. Her voice was shaky.
“What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know. I just feel weird. Like I’m being torn apart, coming undone at the seams, but on the inside. I feel like I’m going to explode, and I don’t know what to do.”
“Breathe,” I said. “Five-eight-seven, come on, do it with me.”
I inhaled for five counts, and I heard Carletta mimic me.
“Hold it,” I said, and we held it for seven counts before I said, “now exhale.”
She did as I asked.
“Better?”
“Not really,” she mumbled.
I didn’t know what else to tell her. There were breathing exercises to calm down—maybe I had to do a couple more of those myself—and she could force her focus so that she wasn’t so close to the verge of losing control, but the longer my sister didn’t shift, the worse it was going to get.
Being a shifter was being in a partnership. We had to share a body with our beasts, and it was a fight sometimes to stay in control. If we weren’t careful, the animal could take over, and when that happened, shit really hit the fan if the shifter wasn’t in good hands.
It was almost like a bad trip for a drug addict, but worse because no trip had this much magic to it.
Carletta was one of the most powerful shifters in the state, if not the country. She had more than enough control to keep her bear at bay, which meant that it was the magic taking over, and the control she was losing was over her mind.
I worried about my sister, but if there was anything the Fords were, it was stubborn.
“You’re going to be okay, Carly,” I said over the phone.
“I know,” she answered. “Thanks, Jamie.”
We both knew that it wasn’t true. She wasn’t going to be okay. We were both lying to ourselves and to each other.
“Call me if you need me.” I knew she always would, and we ended the call. I wanted to be there for my sister. We carried each other through this dark time after we’d lost Delaney, but today, I had too much trouble with my own shit to be there for my sister and worry about her too much.
When we ended the call, I took another swig from the bottle.
Someone arrived at the gate and drove in a moment later. It had to be someone who had right of way into my property. Only a few people were allowed in without security alerting me or asking permission.
A moment later, Felix walked into the bar.
