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I never thought that a little dry humping could make me go off in my goddamned jeans like a fucking teenage boy with his first nut, but still, the moment I realized Mia was going to come as she rubbed her core against my hard cock, I was done.
Then again, I also would have never guessed the scent of lavender could get me hard in seconds to the point of pain.
Still, since lavender happens to be Mia’s signature scent, that’s exactly what occurs every time I get anywhere near her.
I’m begging the universe for strength and patience here because she told me she’s only ever had a boyfriend, and it was a while ago, so not only does she have minimal experience, to begin with, but she's also rusty —her words, not mine.
We haven’t progressed much further than grinding, kissing, and touching over the clothes because every time I try to take things farther, I can feel that she wants me to stop. She doesn’t ask me to, and I know she would let me have her if I pushed, but I could never do that.
No way am I putting that kind of pressure on her. I want her to be happy in my arms. To feel cherished, protected, and adored, not forced.
I don’t want her to do anything just to please me. She means too fucking much to me.
When wedomake love, I want her to be sure of herself. I want her to be right there with me with every caress and every kiss.
So I’ll just keep taking cold showers until she’s ready for me. For us.
I can be a patient man. I can be a strong man. I feel like I can be anything she needs me to be.
But still, sometimes, it feels like no matter what I say or what I do, it’s never going to be enough to break through her defenses and help her shed her insecurities.
It hurts so badly when I see her doubt herself and doubt us, but I don't know what to do other than give her all of me and hope she will understand what she is to me, given time.
Even now, as I look at her, it feels like there are parts of her she hasn’t shared with me. No matter how far into the night we talk. She keeps something hidden, locked away, out of fear.
I don’t know what it is, but if she’s keeping it from me, then it’s something I want, something I need, something that’s going to make us or break us. I just know that.
Not that I would ever let anything really come between us, but I got the feeling that’s what she’s afraid of. And I hate that I can’t do anything about it yet.
We need to move past this impasse. So we can get closer at every level. So I can really give her all of me and get all of her. That’s all I want and all I’ll ever want now that Mia is in my life.
I want to be hers. I want her to be mine.
Not just her body. Everything. Her thoughts, her dreams, her fears, her mind, her tears, her laughter, her heart, her soul, the things that weigh her down and the things that build her up.
I want it all.
I make myself do something else when my fingers start to twitch for me to go grab her and pull her to me.
She’s tired. She was up all night studying. She needs her rest.
I go into the living room area and walk back and forth in front of my line-up of guitars, all of them standing against the walls on tripods.
I wince when I see one of the stands is sitting empty and try not to think about me going crazy on my favorite bass. It was for a good cause. And even if I loved the damn guitar and would have killed anyone who fucking touched it before I met Mia, I know it was only a…thing.
And no material thing could ever come before my little beauty.
I settle for one of my Fender pieces and then go back into the bedroom.
If she was another sleeping girl, I couldn’t play in the same room as her unless I had some headphones plugged in, but my baby can sleep through most noises —a thing that fucking terrifies me when I think that, up until now, she’s been living on her own with no one protecting her.
She could easily get Jared off her back and call him over-protective when he tried to tell her it was safest for her to live in the same home as him and his little daughter, but that BS is not going to fly with me.
From now on, her little ass is going to stay in places with security so tight even a presidential detail would deem it excessive.
No one messes with my baby.
I connect the guitar to the rig I’ve got mounted near the bed, and then I carefully lower myself to the edge of the mattress and start playing.
