AllFreeNovel
Share Us
He gives me a single shake and makes me look him in the eye again. His expression is thunderous. Then he starts to fingerspell and talk. "What's going on? Why are you reacting like this? This is a good thing, baby. Isn't it? I told you that this —us— is forever, Mia. I told you… you are mine, and I'm yours. You believe in this as much as I do. You said it yourself!"
‘I can’t!’I sign brusquely, then drop my hands in my lap.
He shakes his head. “Yes, you can, Mia. So why are you closing yourself off now? You know we are meant to be.”
I don’t even try to stop my tears anymore. They roll down my cheeks as I nod.‘Yes, I know. We are… we really are. But I’m still scared. I tried not to be… I try all the time… but I can’t help it. This is scary to me. Please understand, Carson. I can’t let us go there…’
His arms fall to his sides. He looks away, then back at me. A determined look on his handsome face. He is not going to give up.
“I know you are scared… and Idounderstand. That’s why I have to tell you, Mia. You need to see this.”
Once more, he begins to make the ‘X’pattern with his arms in a motion that would bring each folded fist just under the opposite shoulder if completed.
I watch the first part of his sign, then close my eyes and turn my head away, removing eye contact and, with it, any chance of communication.
If I don’t see it. It’s not happening.
If I don't let him tell me this… we can go on as we have… and this has been fun and amazing and, yes, scary, but in a manageable sort of way once I took that first leap, but if I let myself look… then it's real.
And if it’s real, it’s not a dream, and if it’s not a dream, I really can get hurt.
If I let him tell me this, and then he takes it back later…
I’m not sure I could survive that pain…
God, what the hell am I even thinking right now?
It’s already real.
I'm already hurting because I know I've just caused him pain, and I can't stand it.
I don’t have anything more to risk because he already has all of me.
I'm in love with him. So in love it's insane.
Here, in this bubble, sharing a bed, making love, with the world nothing but a distant echo that I could never hear anyway, here, it feels like I could grab onto this little slice of happiness and not put a label on things.
But if we let those words free between us, then it gets that much more dangerous, that much scarier… and it’s not like it would ever work, right?
Not outside this suite… not in the real world.
So why would he want to drag us both there right now?
Why can’t we stay in the fantasy a little bit longer?
Why does he have to ask this of me?
Why do I have to face that I’m in a relationship with a rock star?
Me?
With a rock star.
I’m sobbing freely by now, eyes still tightly closed.
I feel Carson’s arms going around me in a protective hold, and it makes me nearly shake out of my skin.
I can’t. I can’t.
