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He’s going to see exactly what I mean, and I will be losing those moments —losinghim— now, rather than a month from now, or a year from now.
There would be no more bubble, then.
Just harsh reality robbing me of what I love, just like it always does.
I gulp down air, attempting to collect myself. No point in trying to escape the inevitable.
I very slowly turn the screen his way and show him my note.
Carson takes the phone from my still-shaking fingers, and I see his expression grow darker as he reads.
When he’s done, he throws the cell behind him, making it bounce onto the mattress a little.
He takes both of my hands in his and moves closer to me, so close our noses touch for a moment, then he gives me one long, hard kiss.
What is this? Is he saying goodbye?
I feel my heart drop even lower at the thought.
Why are all my faculties failing me right now?
How come I can’t make heads or tails out of his body language now that I really need to?
How come I can’t even begin to decipher his facial expressions?
Why am I so lost right now?
Carson’s hands let go of mine and then run up my arms and to my face, where they both stop, gently cupping my cheeks. He tilts my head until I’m looking him in the eye, then starts to talk in a steady, careful manner.
“Mia, look at me. I amnotletting you go ever. I repeat: I amnotever letting you go. And I don’teverwant you to let me go, baby.Ever.Do you get me? There is no need to be scared. You are safe with me. And you areitfor me. Do you understand what I’m saying?No onebefore you andno oneafter. You areit. And what’s this bullshit about being perfect?! What if you’re not perfect? Fuck perfect! Who wants perfect, anyway? I know I don’t! Perfect isnotreal. Nobody is ever really perfect, Little Beauty. God knows I'm not. And I don't want perfect. I wantreal. And you are real. And I want only you, Mia. I want you because things don’t have to be perfect to be wonderful, and you aresowonderful to me, baby. You are the only thing I’veeverwanted.”
His words push into me, leaving me stunned.
I… don’t know what to say.
I don’t even know what to think.
So I do what I was advised to do in that letter so many years ago. I shove my heart forward and let my emotions flow.
I burst into tears again –not tears of fear, but of relief this time– and throw my arms around him once more, my lips going for his.
I try to put all the feelings I have for him inside of my soul into this one kiss. But I know it’s never going to be enough.
A lifetime of kisses could never be enough to show this man what he is to me.
Carson pulls back a little. “Can I now?” he sim-coms, hands still so very careful when he signs.
I let go of a shaky breath, nodding, my heart beating madly.
But what I feel now is so very different from what I was feeling even five minutes ago.
The thudding of my heart isn’t painfully afraid anymore. It’s full of anticipation; it's overjoyed.
Carson raises his index, points at himself, and also says, “I…”
Then he makes the‘X’pattern with his arms. This time, I let the beautiful, hopeful sign unfold from his arms to my heart as each of his fists taps just under the opposite shoulder.
“Love”
