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Hailey lifted the back of her hand to her mouth to cover her laugh.
“I walk in, go straight to the desk, and tell the receptionist who I am.” He rolled his eyes. “As if she was supposed to know all about the new guy sitting in the back cubical. She checks her computer, and I’m not even on the schedule. I start to panic. Maybe it was some cruel joke, and I didn’t really get the job. Or I mixed up the day I was supposed to start. I’m just about to ask her to call someone when Kyle walks in the door.” He paused and shook his head. “Man, he looked like everything I wanted to be. Professional, put together, confident. He stops and says hi to the receptionist, and she has this panicked look on her face. So he turns to me and introduces himself. I tell him I’m starting today, and he goes, ‘Oh, right. I remember hearing that. Come with me, and we’ll get you set up.”
Hailey smiled picturing Kyle saying those words. “He always had a way of making everyone feel comfortable. And you’re right, he must have sensed there was something wrong. He was so good at that.”
“Yeah, he was. He took me back and introduced me to a dozen people and found where I was supposed to be. We were fast friends after that day. But I’ll admit, I’m sure I was never his equal. I always looked up to him.”
Hailey sniffed and looked at him. “He didn’t see it that way.”
“I know. That’s what was so great about Kyle.”
Hailey nodded. “He thought so highly of you. He was always saying you showed him something new, or that you were going to be the one moving up the ranks at work. And look, now you are.”
Landon sighed as he set down the shirt he was folding and sank into a chair. “I miss him.”
Hailey put the last dish in the dishwasher and shut it. As she dried her hands on a dishtowel, she walked to the table and sat opposite Landon. “Me too. All the time.”
“How do you do it?” Landon asked.
“What?”
“All of it. Taking care of the kids, and the house, and being strong for them. How do you do it?”
Hailey propped her elbows on the table and dropped her chin into her hands. “Most of the time I feel like I’m failing. And I don’t ever feel like I’m strong enough for them.”
“You must be. I see them laughing and playing. They’re taken care of. They’re doing well in school. That’s because of you, Hailey.”
She shook her head. “I don’t know.” Could she really tell him the truth? The words she hadn’t been able to say to anyone else. “I spend most days thinking that Kyle would be so disappointed.”
“Hailey.” Landon’s eyes met hers, and his voice was tender. “Don’t ever say that. Kyle would be so proud of you and the kids. You guys were all he ever talked about. I would be deep in a project at work and be asking him all kinds of questions, but, as soon as his watch beeped, he said sorry he had to go. He never wanted to be late to get home and see you. And he definitely wouldn’t let a little pile of laundry and toys on the floor change that.”
“I guess not. This was just never part of the plan.”
“No one plans for this.”
“I know. But I was a stay-at-home Mom. He told me from the beginning he didn’t want me to have to work when we had kids. I liked my job, so I stayed there until I gave birth to Charlotte. Then I thought maybe I would go back to some kind of job when they were in high school. I never expected to be working when they still needed me so much. I’m thankful I can be off in time to pick them up from school, but there’s just no down time.”
“I can’t imagine. You’re doing a great job, but I know it’s hard. That’s why I need you to let me help. I told you, I promised Kyle.”
Hailey swiped at a single tear. “See? He was even trying to take care of me when he’s gone.”
“Would you expect any less?” Landon lowered his head, and his voice was soft.
“No, not really.” Hailey took a deep breath and blew it out. “I was mad at him the night he died.”
Landon furrowed his eyebrows in concern. “Really?”
“Yes. It wasn’t that big of a fight, but I was upset that he had a dinner meeting. You’re right that he didn’t have them often, and he did the best he could to be home with us all the time. But he had that one, and it just irritated me because it had already been a long day. Then he called to tell me he would be late.” She paused as the emotions washed over her. She sniffed. “I was mad about doing dinner and homework by myself that night, and I was harsh with him on the phone. As we hung up, I heard him say, ‘I love you,’ but one of the kids was climbing on something, and I just hung up without saying it back.”
“Hailey, that’s just one moment of all the years you had together. That phone call wasn’t all your relationship was. And he knew you loved him. Trust me.”
“But that was it. The last time I spoke to him, I was in a rush and didn’t even finish the phone call. And I was upset. Then two police officers showed up on my doorstep.”
Landon moved to the chair next to her and put a hand on her arm. “I can’t imagine what that was like.”
“It was terrible. I mean, of course, it was. How could it not be terrible for someone to tell you your husband died? But I had the girls in the bathtub, and Carter playing in his room waiting for his turn. I hadn’t even cleaned up from dinner because I thought I would do it after the kids were in bed.” She stared at the kitchen table, but in her mind, she could see it all so clearly. “Those dishes sat there for two days until my sister came over and washed them. I can’t believe I was even able to get the girls out of the tub. I just lost it right there. Kyle was everything. The glue who held our family together. Sure, I took care of the house and the kids, but I didn’t make the important decisions on my own, or fix the cars, or anything. How could I ever go on without him?”
“I remember when I got your text. I couldn’t believe it. I had just walked in the door, and I literally fell over onto the couch. It just couldn’t be true. At first I was sure it was a mistake. I started calling anyone I could think of that might know for sure. I didn’t want to call you. I finally got a hold of Deacon, and he told me it was true. That there had been a car accident on the interstate and Kyle didn’t make it. Until that moment I didn’t let myself believe it. I think I hung up on him.”
