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He gave her hand a squeeze. “I don’t either. But I’m sure that I want to find out.”
Landon pulled her into his arms for a quick hug. If he let himself linger, it would be too hard to leave. “Goodnight, Hailey,” he said as he turned and made his way out the door.
As he walked to his car, he prayed silently for wisdom and patience. Because this was one thing he knew needed careful thought and prayer.
And he was certain he didn’t want to mess this up.
15
Landon drummed his fingers on his desk Thursday morning. He hadn’t seen Hailey since Saturday night, and his insides tossed and tumbled every time he thought about it. They had texted a few times, but he had kept things casual.
He shoved his fingers through his hair as he scoffed at himself. “What are you doing? You should just call her.” But as happy as he was walking out of her house Saturday, he was too terrified to push forward.
What if the kids noticed his smile when he saw her again? What if someone else saw him with her? His best friend’s widow.
And worst of all, what would Kyle think?
Landon sighed as he stood and paced his office. Too much was riding on this. He couldn’t start something with her if it wasn’t going to work out. The kids could be hurt, or Hailey. And if they ended it, he would just be right back to breaking his promise to Kyle. Kyle. Hailey’s late husband. Ugh. It was all too much to think about. As he wore a line in the carpet, he began to whisper to himself. “Maybe you won’t end it. What would that mean? That we get married?” He stopped in his tracks as the words slipped past his lips. “What if we got married?” His mind swirled with all kinds of new thoughts. Life together with Hailey and the kids. Was he really ready to commit to that?
He made his way back to his desk and collapsed into his chair. Before he knew it, his talking to himself turned into a prayer. “God, I’m lost. Life was going along just like I thought it would. My career is great. I live in a nice town in a house that’s perfect for me. Just me. I wasn’t thinking about dating anyone, much less getting married. And I most definitely was not thinking about dating Hailey. It’s weird, right?” He paused and waited, hoping an answer would come down from the sky. He didn’t see handwriting on the wall or hear a voice, but he knew something deep in his soul. “Maybe it’s weird. Maybe people will think it’s strange, but all I know is I want to be with her. With them. With a family.”
He squeezed his eyes closed. “I never wanted to want a family again.” Thoughts of his own childhood tried to resurface, but he shoved the past away. “God, I don’t know if I can even do it. I don’t know how.”
Quietly in his spirit, he felt a whisper say,I will be with you.
Landon sighed. “Okay, God. I don’t know how to do this. And the whole thing still makes me feel like I’m shaking on the inside. But if this is the plan You have for me, I’m all in. Just don’t let me do anything stupid.”
* * *
Hailey’s stomachflipped between excited butterflies and a terrible knot. Maybe the butterflies were just getting their wings stuck together. When Landon called that afternoon, she had been thrilled to hear his voice. For days, she had been afraid Saturday was just one fleeting moment of something between them, and that he wasn’t going to talk about it again.
At the same time, she felt guilty that she wanted to talk about it again. She wasn’t supposed to want to be with Landon. She wasn’t supposed to want to be with anyone after Kyle. Was she?
All afternoon she had prayed that God would show her what to do. And then she would repeat to herself, “His ways are not our ways.” What if God had a plan for her life that she could never have imagined? She certainly never would have imagined spending time with Landon. But now that he was here, it just seemed to fit. He was so different from Kyle, but when he was around or when he called, and she heard his voice, she felt a comfort she hadn’t known since losing Kyle. And maybe that’s just what God had planned.
“Come on, kids,” she called out from the kitchen. “Landon will be here any minute.” She heard a crashing noise from Carter’s room and waited. Since no one cried, she went on. The girls came rushing down the hallway.
“Mommy, does this look alright?” Ellie asked, twirling in her pink and purple dress.
“Yes, sweetie, it looks perfect.”
“Where are we going to dinner?” Charlotte asked.
“Actually, I don’t know. Landon said he made a reservation and wanted to take all of us somewhere special.” There were the butterflies, bumping into each other again.
“I hope it’s somewhere fancy,” Ellie said, pressing her hands together under her chin.
Hailey chuckled. Did Landon know what he was getting himself into? What if he really was taking her and three kids to a fancy restaurant? She squeezed her eyes closed and told herself not to worry.
The knock on the door told her there wasn’t any time for that anyway. The kids began yelling and running to the door, fighting over who would open it. Before they could decide, Hailey pushed past them and turned the knob.
Her gaze fell on Landon like she had never seen him before. A soft gasp escaped her lips when she saw the black suit and tie he wore, and her eyes trailed down to the flowers he held in his hands.
“Hi,” he said softly, silencing the yells of the kids. He separated the flowers and pulled out a single rose. “This is for you,” he said, handing it to Hailey. He smiled only for her when their eyes met. It was only for a moment, but to Hailey, it meant the whole world. He turned his attention to Charlotte and Ellie and handed one daisy to each of them. “These are for you.”
The girls squealed in delight.
Landon reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box. “And this is for you,” he said, handing it to Carter.
