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Always so damn determined.
Deep down I knew his choice of career was partially because he couldn’t save me all those years ago. Maybe it gave him peace of mind that he could save someone else.
Jeremy excused himself, saying he needed to take a phone call. Whenever he did that, he always took a while to return. It could have been his father or the random women that he slept with when I wasn’t around. I found a pair of panties after one of his business trips when I was doing his laundry. Which was my job, I took care of him and the household. Always having to please him, waiting on him hand and foot. If I didn’t do it the way he expected, the way that was good for me, he’d make me pay.
Lessons learned he called it.
I waited up for him that night with the panties lying firmly on my lap. He took one look at me, grabbed the panties and said, “Thank you, baby, she was looking for those.” That was the end of the conversation that never even started. He backhanded me across the face the next morning, reprimanding me for being so fucking nosey.
When Dylan walked towards the garage, my feet moved on their own accord as if an invisible string was pulling me. Before I knew it I was closing the door behind me, the sound making him turn to face me and actually look at me. We hadn’t been face to face in four years. I missed his eyes on me.
The boy I once knew was gone, but the man that I was still in love with was very much there, standing in front of me looking as handsome as ever. His hair pulled up high in a man-bun, his build broader, wider, more defined, making me long to have him hold me. To touch me. Wrap me in his arms and never let me go again. More than anything, I wanted him to take my hand and press it against his heart and whisper to me to feel him.
I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but I didn’t know where to start. There was so much to say, so many explanations and apologies to be made but not nearly enough time to do so. By the look on his face he felt the same way, or maybe it was just my wishful thinking. I hoped for the latter.
I was frozen in front of him, picturing what life could have been.
The years of memories, mistakes, and regrets came rushing over me. Piling on top of me, their weight suffocating me.
The first time I met him.
Our first talk on the beach.
Our first date.
Our first kiss.
The first time he told me he loved me.
The first time we made love and every time after that.
Our love…
That was taken away so harshly, so violently, so unfairly.
My eyes filled with tears, my lips trembled, and whatever little piece of my soul that had mended over the years, now just crumbled around me. My heart started to race at the memory of that day, the day that ended our future.
I let go of the door handle and walked toward him, he watched every step as if his whole world was making its way back to him again. I couldn’t take it anymore. The overwhelming desire was almost unbearable. I don’t know what came over me, as soon as I got to him, I didn’t think twice about it.
I placed my hand over his heart.
The stable, steady heart that remained beating just for me, as if no time had passed between us. We stood there for I don’t know how long, both of us lost in our own thoughts, consumed by our own desires. With an intense stare he extended his hand, I thought he would place his hand over my heart, replicating my action.
He didn’t.
Instead his hand traveled upwards and his thumb gently rubbed back and forth on my cheekbone, and I flinched when he started wiping off my makeup, a move so unexpected it threw me off my axis. I immediately shut my eyes, scared of the ramifications of his action, of what he was about to see.
My truths.
He sucked in air and roared deep within his lungs, “I’ll fucking kill him,” he breathed out with nothing but agony in his tone.
I instantly opened my eyes and the glare on his face almost brought me to my knees.
The irony was not lost on me.
“How long, Aubrey?”
“Dylan, I—”
