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“Dylan, I… God, I barely even remember that day. I already knew it was Jeremy before he ever walked into the bedroom that day. Jesus Christ, Dylan, he raped me the night before. That’s when I knew but he had been dropping hints the whole time. I had to relive that nightmare over and over again. Why the hell do you think you found me in the closet with a knife?”
I leaned back, stunned.
“I tried to tell you. I spent six years trying to tell you the truth. Everything happened so quickly. One minute, I was in the closet praying that day wouldn’t be my last. The next minute you were there, then you were fighting, and… fuck… hearing him talk about that day. The rape. As if it were nothing but a goddamn bedtime story, I just, God, I don’t even know. I can’t even begin to tell you what was going through my head when I pulled that trigger. I had a moment of weakness, and I wasn’t going to let him win that time. I couldn’t. It was like I was there all over again, on that trail, being torn to shreds. I couldn’t even catch my bearings before he told you about Giselle.”
I stepped away from her, pulling my hair back away from my face, holding it at the nook of my neck.
She continued, “I was hanging on by a very thin thread at that point, and all of a sudden I snapped. I didn’t stop for one second to think of the consequences. All I wanted to do was to shut him up. To stop him from talking. To stop him from continuously ruining my life. You took the gun out of my hand so fucking fast, that I didn’t even realize what I had just done. All I remember was you telling me not to say a word until Jacob was present. Fuck… Dylan, I watched you clean the gun. I saw you put your fingerprints all over it. I witnessed you staging it all, wiping his blood on your clothing and it still didn’t click that he was dead.”
She shook her head in disbelief. The agony was clearly written across her beautiful face. As if she was reliving the day all over again.
“I stood there and watched the blood draining from his body, terrified that if I looked away, he would get up and hurt me. He wouldn’t have thought twice, he would’ve ended my life. You took me into the kitchen and sat me on the counter and I swear everything just went in slow motion after that. The phone call to 911 where all you told me to say was “help” into the phone and hang up. The moment you told me to tell the cops you were at Alex’s restaurant and to not say one other word.”
I swallowed hard. The bile rising in my throat.
“They took me to the hospital. I remember them asking me questions, and all I wanted to do was go to you. Find you. But you were already gone. You just left me there, and I didn’t understand why.” Tears formed in her eyes.
“I woke up the next afternoon and Jacob was already there. He had been there all morning next to my hospital bed. He told me that you were placed under arrest for the murder of Jeremy. He told me you admitted to doing it. He told me he spent the entire night with you and you told him over and over again that you killed him. I swear for a few minutes I thought he was right. I thought he was saying the truth.”
“Aubrey—”
“But then I remembered, the whole scene played out in front of my eyes. I told Jacob you were lying to protect me and that I did it. I pulled the trigger. He told me he knew the truth. He finally admitted that you told him everything, but it didn’t matter because your mind was set and I needed to keep my mouth shut. That you made him promise that he would make sure I never told the truth. I did what you wanted. You wouldn’t even look at me throughout the entire trial, and it took everything inside me not to scream out to the judge that it was me! That I killed him!” she yelled, walking toward me and it was my turn to step back.
“You never let me see you. You never gave me a chance to explain. You fucking hate me for what I did to you! For lying! When all I did was listen to you and kept my mouth shut. Why did you take the fall for me? Please! Tell me why?” She openly sobbed.
“Aubrey, you were in shock when I got there. Fuck, you were in shock the entire time. Especially after you pulled the trigger. The whole fucking time you were repeating ‘Giselle, Giselle, Giselle, how am I going to get her? What did I do?’ I asked you where she was? Where our daughter was? And all you said was Aunt Celeste. It didn’t take a genius to put two and two together.”
“That doesn’t explain anything.”
“I told you I kept tabs on you. I knew you were getting help. I knew you had started seeing a therapist. When you called me, I was expecting it. I was waiting. Jesus, Aubrey… I went to prison because I figured that it was only a matter of time until you could get Giselle back, especially if she was with your aunt. She needed a mother. She needed you. So, I had no choice in the matter.”
Her eyes widened in realization.
“I did it for her. My daughter. No one else.”
“Your family knows the truth. I told them the truth. My family, the boys, Alex. They all know that you’re innocent.”
I nodded. “I know, but that doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t give me back everything I’ve lost because of you. You’ve ruined my life, and all I’ve ever done is try to save yours.”
“Don’t you think I know that? Don’t you think it kills me? I love you. Do you hear me? I fucking love you.”
I closed my eyes. I had to. I wouldn’t allow her to see my truths. She didn’t deserve them, not now.
“I went to Jeremy’s dad.”
I immediately opened them, glaring at her.
She didn’t falter. “I was at my wits end. You wouldn’t see me. You wouldn’t read my letters. It had been almost six years, and I couldn’t deal with the fact that there was still four more to go. One afternoon Giselle and I were at your mom’s house visiting. I went into your room to have a few minutes to be close to you. To feel you. I laid in your bed and it smelled like you. I used to hate your scent. I despised it and in that moment I wanted to drown myself in it. I laid there for I don’t know how long, savoring you. When I got up I went into your closet to take home one of your shirts. To bring something back with me, but then I remembered that you kept all your t-shirts in your drawer, so I went in there to find one. I pulled them all out to choose the best one and there before my very own eyes in a zip lock bag, was the shirt you gave me the day I was raped. I lifted the shirt up and my blood covered cotton shorts from that day, fell at my feet.” She shook her head trying to pull herself out of the bad memory.
“I kept them in case you decided to try to find him someday. I hoped that you would change your mind and that maybe keeping the clothes would help with finding the motherfucker who took you away from me.”
She nodded in understanding. “I took them straight to Jacob asking him if there was something that could be done with them, some sort of proof for the DA to show that Jeremy was a violent bastard. Any evidence that would take away some of your sentence. He told me no. Flat out told me there wasn’t a chance in Hell that it would hold up in court.”
I lowered my eyebrows still not following.
“I racked my brain for days. I had to do something. I woke up one morning, grabbed the clothes, packed a suitcase, and took the next flight out to California. I showed up at Jeremy’s parents’ house and threw the clothes on his dad’s desk,” she chuckled.
“He didn’t bat an eye, Dylan. I remembered you told me that he was accused of rape in college and his dad bought the people off. I told him that if he didn’t have you released from prison, I was going to press charges. I would go to anyone that would listen and air all his dirty laundry on national TV and any magazines that would give me a chance. That I wouldn’t stop until everyone knew the truth. He was up for re-election. The scandal would destroy his entire career, and he knew it.” She took a deep breath, walking back and forth telling me her story.
