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I held her tighter, needing her now more than ever before.
The entire time my mom was pregnant, I hated Journey just as much as I did Harley.
However, the second I saw her sleeping in the hospital nursery, I was slapped in the face with the amount of love I immediately felt for her. Except it wasn’t until she was placed against my chest that I felt, that I saw, that I knew…
My mother would live on through her.
Journey Pierce was her legacy, and I instantly understood why she was so adamant about having her. She completed our family, when my mom was tearing it apart.
No warmth.
No happiness.
No mother of our own.
The hallway was long and narrow, making it feel as if we were walking death row. I guess in a way, we were. Nothing would be the same after this.
Not our future.
Not our lives.
Not our hearts.
This was our demise.
Our final goodbye.
To a woman who had already mentally died a few days after giving birth.
Words, tears, feelings wouldn’t change the outcome, and I refused to admit the woman lying there was my mother. She wouldn’t want me to remember her that way. Unrecognizable, a frail person wasting away to nothing as her body began to shut itself down. I had to remember I was doing this for Journey, she deserved to see her one last time.
Although, it was killing me inside.
Each step, each stride, each minute that passed, I lost more and more air, more and more will, more and more life.
Every last part of me hurt, throbbed, ached.
I was there, but I wasn’t.
Possibly losing my mind as well.
My father showed no emotion like a patron of strength, but he didn’t fool me. I knew this was his very worst nightmare playing out in front of him. My mother was his everything.
He would have switched places with her in a second if he could. I knew his truth like I still knew my own name.
How much time did I have? When was I going to lose my memory and end up here too?
Never ending questions ran heavy through my head, feeling an intense amount of fear.
For me.
For her.
For my family.
The closer we got to her room, the clearer the ending became for all of us in the exact same way.
Bile rose in the back of my throat, but I swallowed it down.
