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I just kept moving, kept stepping, kept going forward. There was nothing left behind me. Only memories gradually fading away the closer we got to her.
Seeing her face.
Hearing her voice.
Feeling her love.
Was what helped me go through with this.
“Jackson, my golden boy. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Do you know that? Do you know how much I love you? You’re my baby boy. You’ll always be my baby boy.”
Memory after memory attacked my mind.
“I’m so proud of you. You’re just like your daddy. Out of both of my boys, you’re the most like your daddy.”
Her love for me flashed before my eyes.
“You can do whatever you set your mind to, Jackson. You want to be a football star, a surgeon, walk on the moon… you can do it. Because you’re the smartest boy with the brightest of futures. Don’t you ever forget that.”
The good…
“I will always be here for you.”
The bad…
“I don’t know why this is happening, baby. I wish I could tell you. I wish I had answers, but I don’t. All I can say is live your life, Jackson. You live your life like nothing happened to me. Do you hear me? Are you listening? I need you to be free from me. You live. You love. You laugh. You be happy. No matter the outcome.”
The ugly…
“I don’t know who you are! I hate you! I never want to see you again! I’m not your mom! I’m not your anything!”
Each memory was worse than the last.
“Get him out of my room! Leave and never come back! Who are you? What do you want with me? I have no sons. I have no family!”
To the last memory I had of her before I lost her completely.
“You look good holding your baby sister, Jackson. I can already tell she is going to have you wrapped around her little finger.”
“Mmm hmm…”
“Baby, please look at me. Please…”
I shook my head. “I can’t.”
“Why?”
“Cause it always takes you away from me.”
“Oh, Jackson…”
She tugged me into her arms, holding onto us so tightly. I never wanted to leave her side. This would be the last time she’d ever hold me. The last hug I’d ever receive from anyone. I’d never let another person get that close to me.
“I love you, baby. I love you so much. Please tell me you know that.”
“Mmm hmm…”
“Promise me you know I’ll always live in your heart.”
