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I didn’t say a word.
“Promise me.”
“Which one of you? The woman who raised me, or the woman who doesn’t remember me?”
She burst into tears. “I’m sorry,” she wept. “I’m so sorry for everything I have ever said or done to you. It’s not me. I swear to you, it’s not me.”
I pulled away, looking deep into her eyes. “I don’t know who you are anymore. I can’t even call you my mother cuz it’s your biggest trigger. You lose it on me every time.”
I could seet through her gaze she knew I was right.
She simply stated, “I love you. You’ll always be my baby boy with bright blue eyes. You’re going to be like your daddy, never like me.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Take the test, Jackson. Take it for your own peace of mind.”
“I can’t.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m not ready to give up on my life yet.”
“Dr. Pierce,” the physician said to my dad, ripping me back to the present place and time. “She doesn’t have much time left. Her organs are completely shutting down.”
I saw it, clear as day.
Our father wanted to die right along with her.
“Her dementia has completely taken over. I’m so sorry, Dr. Pierce,” the nurse informed him, breaking his heart all over again.
It didn’t matter how many times someone talked about her illness, it was like a bullet to the soul each and every time.
How could he go on without her?
When all he did was live for her.
In a neutral tone, he stated, “You guys can go in first.”
We both nodded, staying strong for our father. When all we wanted to do was fall apart with him.
As soon as she saw us walking through the door, she smiled weakly, taking us in. It was evident in her tired eyes she had no idea who we were.
“Hey, Bailey,” Jagger greeted, barely keeping it together.
He wasn’t as strong as me and Dad were, I knew he was going to lose his shit. It was only a matter of time before he couldn’t keep it in any longer.
I didn’t say one word. I don’t even think I was breathing while I looked at her with so much love and so much hate all at once.
“You look really pretty today. Do you want me to brush your hair?” my brother asked.
She didn’t say anything, didn’t even move. There were very few words she could still say. The dementia had almost completely taken away her speech. She was lost within herself, staring off into space where we were no longer her escape.
“Can we take a picture with you?” Jagger asked, tears swelling up in his eyes.
Out of nowhere, I blurted, “She can’t talk to you. She doesn’t even know who the fuck we are. She doesn’t even know we’re here.”
“Jackson,” Dad gritted.
