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“I know it’s someone’s birthday,” Tank insisted until Lola, a purple-haired chick just as tiny as him, shifted onto his lap. Then, he grabbed her, and his hand began burrowing under her skirt. I slipped into the seat beside Brenda, who was nursing her Corona and looking at the pair in amusement.
“You look like shit, babe,” she commented lightly. I didn’t take offense since I knew it was a fact.
“I know,” I replied. “I’m running on a combined four hours of sleep for the entire week.”
Brenda nodded sympathetically. “I wish I could help you, babe, but I’m expecting company today.”
“Yeah, don’t worry about it,” I said, even though I could feel the disappointment curdling in my gut. “I’ve got it figured out.”
“Do you?” she asked, but thankfully, I was saved from explaining when Tank called out, “Hey, Bren, do you have any condoms?”
Brenda rolled her eyes at him. “You’re not having sex in the bar. We almost got banned the last time that happened.”
“That wasn’t me,” Tank laughed. “That was Mateo and the birthday girl over here.”
I blushed, hating the reminder of that night. It was the one and only time I’d ever tried alcohol. I didn’t drink as a principle, but it had been a particularly terrible night, and Mateo was there, insisting I have a good time. He kept encouraging me to drink until I’d taken a few shots just to oblige him. I didn’t think I could get drunk from that—Brenda usually had several before she was even tipsy—but I certainly did. Most of the night was a blur, but the last thing I remembered was the owner kicking us all out of his bar because Mateo and I had gotten frisky right there at the table and in front of everyone.
The experience had been more humiliating than anything. And it certainly hadn’t helped my reputation in town. I was mortified the next morning, but Mateo thought the whole thing was really funny. Yet another reason why we’d broken up. He simply didn’t get that doing dumb shit just for the sake of it wasn’t funny. It was just dumb.
And he was a bad influence on me because, for some reason, I turned into a people pleaser when I was around him and Brenda’s crew.
Wasting your life.
I tuned out their bickering as my mind went back to my neighbor’s words. I couldn’t even be angry at it anymore, looking around me. It felt true. He was right. Here I was on another Tuesday night in another stupid bar I didn’t want to be at and hanging out with people, most of whom I didn’t want to be around. This was my life. This was all I did apart from work; this was all I could do. I would most likely be stuck here forever.
The thought depressed me.
“I’m going home,” I told Brenda, and she glanced up at me.
“Already?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I have a long day at work tomorrow.”
Brenda made a face. “Yeah, you always say that. You’re just no fun anymore, babe.”
“Yeah, you always say that too.” I gave her a half hug and a kiss on the cheek, waved at the other two, and started weaving through the crowd, heading for the door.
As I drove home, my thoughts remained occupied with the same thought.Wasting your life.He was right. But what could I do? Living like this was probably slowly killing me, but what was the alternative? Die for real?
How ironic. My father was dead, but I was the one living without a future.
What a waste, indeed.
When I got to my door, I distractedly pulled the handle, but it wouldn’t open. Dazedly, I realized I had locked it, so I reached into my bag to search for the key. My hand didn’t touch any metal. I rummaged through my bag, even throwing the contents onto the floor, but still nothing.
Fuck.
I lost my key.
I couldn’t get into my house, and I probably wouldn’t get any sleep tonight, either.
I couldn’t take it anymore. It was just the last in a series of shitty things in what had been a shitty day out of a shitty couple of weeks. It was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
I fell to my knees, and loud, raucous sobs escaped me. It was like I couldn’t hold back anymore, and I felt the helpless despair shaking through me. I wasn’t sure whether they were tears of exhaustion or sadness, but the sobs tore out of me until I was curled up in a ball, crying for God knew how long.
And then, without warning, strong hands wrapped around my shoulders and dragged me to a firm chest.
EIGHT
