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“A guy like what?” He cocked his head.
A stupid, emotionally unavailable cold man who had lost so much and couldn’t open up because he didn’t want to lose more. I could understand and sympathize with it, but we were not a good match at all.
Even if he kind of had a good reason for it.
“He’s not the guy for me,” I explained simply. “He and I are very incompatible in every way.”
Casey thought about it for a while, then probed, “What does that mean?”
“That means we don’t get along. We see things from two completely different perspectives, and I don’t think that will change soon.”
"Oh,” Casey said and frowned. “Cause I had a different idea about that.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“I kinda thought he liked you.”
“You did?”
“Yeah,” Casey shrugged nonchalantly. “I mean, it was kinda obvious the way he would look at you when you weren’t watching and everything. And like when you got in the ring and yelled at him after he flipped me. You would think he would be upset. But instead, he smiled at you and seemed cool about it. I even thought he would kiss you or something.” He fake-gagged after he said it, as though it was the most disgusting thing ever.
I smiled. “Yeah, but I don’t think he likes me like that. Not enough anyway.” I didn’t want to start explaining the difference between love and lust to my nephew.
“Oh. Well then, he’s not very smart, is he?” Casey leaned in and bumped me in the arm. “You’re pretty awesome, Charlie.”
And just like that, my heart melted. I hugged him. “You’re awesome too, Casey. The most awesome thing that has ever happened to me. I mean that.” And I couldn’t believe something so good had come from a guy like Zane.
“Thanks.” Casey blushed, rubbing his nose self-consciously. “And Grandma isn’t mad. She’s just upset about Gramps and everything, but that’s all it is. You know how bad she is with apologizing.”
“Yeah.” The mention of Dad made me feel even worse because last night, for the first time, I hadn’t thought about him and how sick he was. Mom was right. I was being selfish. “It’s my fault too, Casey. I’ll go and apologize to her later, but for now, how about we talk about the karate class again?”
His eyes widened and glowed with joy. “Really?”
“Yup,” I said with a grin. Even if I had to get a fourth job to do it, I would get it done. I mean, in all likelihood, I would have to get another one anyway.
Because I had one realization during our conversation. I now knew why I was fighting with myself. Deep down, I wanted to keep the baby.
Iwaskeeping the baby.
It was actually Casey who convinced me of it. And yes, it might be a crazy idea. And yes, we didn’t have much. But we didn’t have much when Casey came along either, and somehow, we’d managed. Imagine if Casey hadn’t been born, and we had to endure everything without our adorable ray of sunshine. What would I do without him? Life would be pretty miserable.
So what if I wasn’t ready yet? Very few people ever were for their first child, and yet they managed just fine. I’d always wanted children anyway and knew I would pour all my love into this child.
I would work my ass off to make sure the baby had everything he or she needed.
I didn’t have too much pride in asking Zane for help with the child. He was rich enough to afford it. But I would keep the baby regardless of whether he helped out or not.
I figured I’d tackle the easier thing first and make things right with my mom. I found her obsessively baking in the kitchen as she usually did when she was upset.
“Mom, can I talk to you?” I started.
She dropped her whisk on the counter and picked it up without saying anything.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m so sorry I stayed out all night. You’re right. I wasn’t thinking about how hard things must have been for you.”
She didn’t say anything for a good while as she turned the cake batter. And then, finally, she said, “I’m sorry I yelled.”
I thought that was as good as I was going to get, but then she continued, “You’re a grown adult too. You need to live your life. I understand that.”
