Page 52 of Secret Squirrel


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“This is fucking insane.You’refucking insane. She’s a woman,” he hissed again. “Just deal with her!”

“You deal with her,” I shot back.

“Fine!” he snapped. But just as he started to rise, I ran at him, tackling him to the ground. There was no way in hell he was answering the door, let alone in a towel. I had enough drama in my life without adding to it.

“You will—notanswer the door,” I said as we rolled around on the ground. My hand was shoved in his face when he kneed me in the balls. I gasped, rolling off him. Before he could get anywhere, I slammed my fist out, hitting him in the face. He groaned, rolling to his knees as he held his face. I sucked in a painful breath as I rolled to the side. Blood gushed from his nose.

Sweet revenge.

“Dukey! I know you’re in there! Your truck is outside.”

“She doesn’t know jack shit,” I hissed. “I always walk around town.”

“That’s a really fucking great answer,” he ground out, still holding his nose. “Fuck, I think you broke it!”

“Serves you right. You squashed my junk.”

“You deserve it. You’re hiding from a woman.”

“Not just any woman.”

He groaned and flopped on his back, still holding his nose. “I’m going to drown in my own blood.”

“Dukey!” She banged on the door again. “Hey! I know you’re there. I can see you!”

I flinched, trying to scoot back further. She must have seen my boot.

“Nice!” Bowie whispered. “We’re hiding from a woman that knows we’re in here.”

“I would rather hide in here like a coward than risk her sinking her claws in me again. That woman is dangerous, and not just because she’s an idiot.”

“Yeah, it’s her fault you keep letting her suck your dick.”

“If I could actually move, I would kick your ass right now.”

“If I wasn’t bleeding to death, I’d kick yours.”

“You wish,” I scoffed. “You always were a pansy.”

“A pansy that cuffed you in the balls,” he retorted.

I sighed and rested my head on the ground. She was still at the door banging with every ounce of energy, but I wasn’t moving. My balls were telling me that was a terrible idea, and my head knew not to let her use her Jedi mind tricks on me.

After a few minutes, Bowie’s low voice broke the silence. “I can’t believe we’re laying on the floor, hiding from a woman. The Army would have kicked us out a long time ago.”

“No, they wouldn’t. Trust me, they understand that a woman like that is more dangerous than any insurgent.”

He grunted in response. “I’m just saying, as a fellow mechanic that doesn’t see nearly the action you do, it would be nice if you’d allow me a taste of the goods from time to time.”

I rolled over again to stare at him. “The goods are tainted. Even a taste would kill you. Trust me, it’s not worth it.”

“Easy for you to say. Your dick isn’t about to shrivel up and die from lack of use.”

I sighed heavily. It was like everyone thought I had some special way with the ladies. “It’s not like I try to get these women. It just…happens.”

Again, we laid there in silence.

“Are we going to do this every time she comes over?” Bowie finally asked.

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