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“You’re making it sound far simpler than it really is,” Grady said quietly. “Dating isn’t something you just walk into because it feels good.”
“Isn’t that kind of the whole point?” Lake asked, giving Grady an incredulous look. “People wouldn’t do it if it didn’t feel good!”
Grady moved away from Lake because he needed distance and a clearer head. He grabbed a washcloth and rinsed it before handing it to Lake.
“Let me get this straight—” Lake cut off with a laugh, borderline hysterical as he wiped his chest down with agitated strokes. “Sorry, bad choice of words. As long as we were justfucking,you were okay with it, but the second that I add the word ‘dating,’ there’s suddenly a problem?”
“That shouldn’t have happened.”
“Which time?” Lake asked. “The first night where you took my ‘gay’ virginity? Or Thursday night when you fucked metwiceand made me see stars both times? Or yesterday when you spent hours driving me insane? Or just then when you fucked my ass with yourtongue? Let’s be specific here.”
“None of this should have happened,” Grady said, scowling. “A few rolls in the hay and suddenly you’re ready to date a man?”
“Don’t youdarereduce it to that!” Lake spat. “What thefuck?”
Guilt was creeping up Grady’s throat at the pain in Lake’s eyes, but he refused to allow it to take hold. He wasn’t wrong in his stance, and he wouldn’t back down. “You haven’t had enough experimentation yet? You wanna really deep dive into it, get the full experience before you decide it’s not for you?”
“Youasshole!” Lake shoved him, and Grady was so surprised he stumbled back a few steps. “You really think so little of me that you think I would do that? That I would just jump in without care for either of our feelings?”
“You don’t exactly have a filter, Lake. You make decisions based on the moment.”
“So fuckingwhat? That means I don’t know what I want? I’m not them, and you can’t keep painting me with the same brush!”
“You can’t guarantee that you won’t change your mind.” The crux of the problem, really.
“No one can give that, no matter what their sexuality. People break up all the time, for alotof reasons. Does that mean we shouldn’t bother to try?”
“Dating and sex are not the same thing, no matter how you’re trying to rationalise it.” Grady didn’t care how Lake was looking at him, he was in the right here. Having sex a few times and then saying “nah, not for me,” would hurt a hell of a lot less than if they pretendedfeelingswere involved.
“Grady, Ilikeyou and not in a ‘hey, we’re friends’ way, okay? You’re so fucking dense! Stop focusing onwhatI am.”
“I’m not interested in dating. Not with you or anyone,” Grady lied, feeling his heart sink into his stomach. He couldn’t let this happen. Whatever Lake thought he was feeling, he was wrong. It was just the euphoria speaking. He was having fun now, but the reality of not just dating another man, but datinghim,would soon give him second thoughts that Grady didn’t think he could recover from. Not if he didn’t stop this now. He’d been engaged to be married to someone he’d thought loved him just as he was, and his heart had been ripped out. He’d been taken in by a sweet smile and dimples when he’d met Mal and thought that Kyle had been an anomaly, and maybe he wasn’t so unlovable after all. He’d been wrong. He wasn’t going to stand around and wait until Lake came to the same conclusion.
Lake deflated, clutching the front of his shirt and twisting it between his fists. “I thought we were friends.”
“Wearefriends,” Grady said. He swallowed around the sudden lump in his throat. “And that’s where it should have stayed. There should have been boundaries, and I’m sorry that I wasn’t firmer with them.”
Lake pursed his lips, his eyes looking impossibly big. “Right. Friends. Okay. We can…” He shrugged. “Just be friends again. Easy, right? It was great when it was just friends.”
It was going to be far from easy, but Grady knew it was the right decision even if his hands itched to trace Lake’s face, even if his lips ached to kiss him just once more. Once more before he let go.
Lake let out a breath. “I should go; I told Mum I’d go see her today to help her with some stuff.” He hesitated. “Tomorrow afternoon, we’re having a friendly basketball match with friends and family on base. Uh, since we’re friends and everything, did you… did you want to…”
Grady clenched his hands into fists at his side to stop from reaching out and comforting Lake. All he wanted to do was wrap him in his arms, apologise, and tell him that he could have whatever he wanted as long as he stopped looking at him like that.
“Yeah, I can come. Text me the details?”
“Sure. Okay. Um. Maybe I’ll text you later?”
Grady nodded, and then Lake was gone. He flinched when the front door closed with a quiet snick.
Usuallyspendingtimeinthe air soothed Lake. His favourite parts of the day were when he was flying a bird—and giving shit to his poor co-pilot and any unsuspecting passengers who thought they were in the air with a sane pilot.
He’d spent almost six hours in the air that day, and the agitation deep in his gut was still there. Normally it was enough to soothe any anxiety he might have been feeling, but today it had been nowhere near enough.
Lake sat himself in the passenger doorway, his legs hanging over the edge and his boots flat on the concrete as he filled out the flight report, waiting for the bird to cool down so he could get someone to look at it.
The strokes of his pen were harder than necessary, and the paper on the flimsy clipboard suffered for it. He was adamant this Hawk had something wrong with it. He didn’t fucking care how many times they’d looked it over.
