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A coffee became two coffees, and then two coffees became a very long and chuckle-full afternoon drink. By the end of the evening, they’d both made a solemn promise to each other: they’d be qualified yoga instructors within the year.
Kelly, of course, had done it.
But here they were, three years later, and Esme was nowhere near her goal.
She moved through hervinyasaone more time, transitioning from plank to up-dog, then shifting her weight back into a downward-facing dog, poking her butt as high up into the sky as she could.
Her heart wasn’t in it, and — like the excellent instructor she was — Kelly picked up on it.
“You okay, Esme? Still tired from the accident?”
“Uh-huh,” Esme replied miserably. “It’s like my body doesn’t want to play ball.”
“Want a break?”
Kelly had agreed to help Esme with practice for her teaching course. Trouble is, no amount of training and learning would ever solve Esme’s problem. She already knewhowto teach yoga. The fact was, even if she was the most technically proficient, gifted practitioner of yoga on the planet, she knew she’d never be able to stand up in front of a group of people and actually teach them.
She was too dang scared.
“I think that’s me done for the day.” Esme collapsed onto the mat, letting her cheek smoosh down. “Time for a forty-eight-hour longshavasana.” She rolled over onto her back, then spread her arms and legs out into the classic corpse-pose shape. Instructors often said thatshavasanawas the most important pose in yoga.
That suited Esme, because there was nothing she liked more than to lie on her back and let her worries drift away into the ether.
As she looked up, she thought about how beautiful this yoga studio was. It was a stark contrast to the space she practiced yoga in her own home. Obviously, Kelly had built this entire space herself. As well as being an accomplished yoga instructor, she just so happened to be a carpenter. She ran a bunch of public classes from a studio downtown, but she also did one-on-one tuition in her home studio.
Everything was neat and tidy. Kelly had built a shelf for offerings. Today, Esme had put the cards she’d pulled for Rainer on the shelf, to try to think about what it was that had upset him so much. She’d tried to keep the reading in her mind as she moved through the yoga sequence, but she’d been too distracted by her body’s weakness to reach any conclusions.
“Come on, sugar, let’s talk it through.”
“Talk what through?” Esme said, closing her eyes.
“Whatever’s bothering you.” Kelly walked over to the offering shelf. “Or rather — whoever it was that you pulled these cards for.”
“He asked you to leave?”
Esme nodded, deeply inhaling the scent of her chamomile tea. “It was like I’d touched a nerve, and he just snapped.”
“Didn’t give you any clues about why?”
“Nope.”
Rain drummed against Kelly’s huge kitchen window. Esme tracked the streaks as they flowed down the glass.
“Have you heard from him since? Any apology?”
“Not a thing. It was only yesterday, but I admit, I’d been hoping that he might get in touch. It’s annoying, because last night I wanted to spend some time in Little Space, just relax in front of some cartoons with Om Baby, but I couldn’t. I was so worried about him and about what had happened that I felt sick to my stomach.”
“Poor girl,” Kelly said, stroking Esme’s arm.
Kelly wasn’t a Little, but she’d never been anything but supportive about Esme’s lifestyle.
“It’s okay. I just… I kinda thought he liked me.”
“Yeah. That sucks. I get the feeling you wanted to see if he might be your Daddy.”
“It’s weird. I always thought he hated me before. Maybe it’s because I think everyone hates me.”
“No one could hate you, dumb-dumb. You’re lovely.” Kelly rested her head against her arm.
