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“They’re all judging me, though. Watching me and laughing.”
“It’s holding you back from teaching, huh? That feeling.”
Esme nodded. She knew where the feeling came from. She could pinpoint the exact moment that she started to feel scared of people. It was the same moment that she lost the ability to take control of her whole life. The same moment she just decided to submit to fate.
“Wish I could make it go away.”
“You know, it sounds like Rainer’s been through some stuff.” Esme could tell from the way Kelly said it that she was also saying: “Just likeyou’vebeen through some stuff.”
“Probably.”
“He probably was just freaked out. Like there was a memory he didn’t want to relive.”
“I can relate to that.”
“Right. I’m not saying you should just forgive him, exactly. I dunno. It’s more like, maybe he just deserves a second chance. Or a chance to explain.”
Esme pouted. “Yeah well, if he shows up at my front door, ready to apologize, I guess I’ll hear him out.” Then, under her breath, she added, “But that’s never gonna happen.”
It was an old photo album, bound in something that looked and felt like leather, but probably wasn’t. Esme sat on her couch, with her legs crossed, surrounded by clothes and discarded scraps of paper. Om Baby was perched on the edge of the table, eyes closed, arms in eagle pose.
Reliving memories. For most people it was a pleasure. For Esme, though, it was like an endurance challenge.
She flipped the album open. On the first page were her baby photos. Next to them were dates and labels in her mom’s looping handwriting.
Esme having dinner. Esme smiling. Esme being a silly onion.
She had been a smiley baby, but the smiles got even bigger after her sister was born.
There were pictures of Esme, aged four, with her sister on her lap. Esme had this grin on her face, like she was the luckiest, happiest person on the planet. She looked at pictures of her and her sister in the bathtub, surrounded by bubbles. There was a shot of the two of them at a zoo. Esme’s sister was pointing at a massive pile of elephant poop.
Esme snorted with laughter. She swore that she had an actual memory of that day, even though she’d only been five or six.
She turned the page.
There was her sister, as she remembered her. School uniform on. Hair in pigtails. Sabrina Adams.
Esme felt a horrible feeling in her stomach. The pain and sadness started to bubble up, and quickly threatened to overwhelm her.
That’s the exact moment that she heard a knock at the front door.
Instantly, her thoughts went back to what she’d said to Kelly just a couple hours ago.If he shows up at my front door, ready to apologize…
She felt a surge of hope, and pushed the photo album shut, then she grabbed Om Baby, before running to the front door.
But when she pushed it open, it wasn’t Rainer staring back at her.
Not even close.
CHAPTER SIX
“Esme?”
The man in her doorway was in his early thirties, with small, fast-blinking eyes and a mouth that was fixed in a smile that looked as though it was taking a little too much effort to be genuine. His lank hair came down past his ears.
“Do I know you?”
“You do! You really do!”
