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“But I think it’s different for everyone. Littles have different needs and different reasons for getting involved in the lifestyles. It’s a spectrum, you know?”
Kelly looked around conspiratorially, as if to check whether anyone was listening, or even close enough to listen.
“Is it always, like… you know, to do with ‘s…’?”
Esme couldn’t help but smile. “Sex, you mean?”
Kelly put a finger to her lips and shushed Esme, who giggled like an idiot.
“It’s not, actually, always s-related. Some people just like to relax in a Little mindset and feel cuddly and cute and well looked after. Some people like to have fixed boundaries and discipline, but it doesn’t cross over.”
“Does it cross over for you?”
“Kinda,” Esme said. “Like, I can feel sexy when I’m Little, but I don’t like to fully go there while I’m in Little Space. But, you know, I find spanking sexy.”
Kelly’s face was about as pink as Esme had ever seen it.
“There’s places you can go,” Esme continued. “If you’re interested in experimenting. I know a really good place in the Bronx.”
“Oh,” Kelly replied, looking flustered, “I’m just asking for a friend.”
Esme gave her a look. “Well, I hope she knows that if she ever wants to talk to me about it, she’s more than welcome.”
“Thank you. Sorry to make this about me. I mean. About my friend.”
They shared a look. “Don’t worry,” Esme said. “It’s good to talk.”
“You know what I think about the no-kiss situation?”
Esme sat back in her chair. The song changed — it was yet another of the bland, mindless muzak-style tracks that coffee shops like this always played. The type of music that Rainer would no doubt hate with a passion.
“What do you think about it?”
“You know how Rainer’s been teaching you to take control of your life? Well, I think it’s time you started to take control of the relationship.”
“What do you mean?” Esme asked, suspiciously.
“Nothing bad! I just think that maybe, if you apply a little bit of naughtiness, you might be able to accelerate things.”
“Break the rules?”
“Right. You know in the best yoga sessions, how you push yourself to the absolute limit? You know that good pain, that pain that means your body is changing, that pain that means you’re becoming capable of new things? I think that’s the pain you need to go through.”
“So, what you’re saying is, be a really naughty girl and get Daddy to spank me really, really hard?”
Kelly sighed. “You’re impossible, you know that?”
“Impossibly great?”
“That’s it. By the way, I’ve been meaning to tell you, whenever you feel ready to start teaching yoga, my studio is right there for you. Maybe we could even go into business together.” Kelly reached over the table and clasped Esme’s hand. “Wouldn’t that be great?”
“Impossibly great,” Esme grinned.
But deep inside, fear still bubbled away. She still had some way to go before the thought of standing in front of other people, telling them what to do didn’t fill her with icy dread.
She could see the path ahead, though, and that was a first for her. She felt a thrill that took her right back — maybe the future could be better, bigger, more full of experience.
The coffee tasted of hope.
