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These new feelings came with consequences. I hated everyone who talked to him. A nightclub wasn’t my favorite scene to begin with—dive bars always felt more appropriate for my mood—but that wasn’t the place to meet the type of girls Royal and Taylor liked, so we often found ourselves in high-end places with VIP rooms so our security didn’t have to work overtime to keep us safe. Dive bars and punk clubs couldn’t be controlled like a VIP section could, so I usually lost that argument.
Royal avoided me.
I didn’t know how to take it. It was like we were fighting without either of us admitting it. And when I thought it couldn’t get worse, everything turned into a competition. If I spoke to someone, he cut in. So I did the same. If he took a hit of something, I was right there with him. Shot for shot, too. We were in and out of the bathroom, trading glares.
We hadn’t been this stupid since our mid-twenties when our first record went number one.
“Are you two alright?” Kingsley asked after my third trip for a line.
I almost snapped at him but cut myself off. He didn’t deserve to get dragged down with our fight.
“Did he say something?” I asked, glancing around to figure out where he’d run off to. He’d given me the slip when we’d left the bathroom the last time.
“He didn’t have to. You two do not hide it well.”
I huffed.
“What the fuck are you two on about?”
“I have no idea.” I turned away from my brother, crossing my arms while scanning the room for Royal. “If he left...”
“I swear to fucking God. I settle down, and now you’re the one who’s lost his goddamn mind.”
“I’m fine. Nothing we haven’t done before,” I lied. I couldn’t explain it to myself. I didn’t know how to explain it to him. Something had flipped between Royal and me today.
Maybe Kingsley was right about us losing our minds. It was the only thing that would explain the drastic change in Royal’s fucking personality.
Kingsley grabbed my arm when I tried to step around him, bringing us nose to nose. “Why are you lying to me?”
I both hated and loved that he knew me so well. He took care of me when I couldn’t take care of myself, and I loved him for it, but when he could read me like a fucking book, it was annoying as fuck. “Because I don’t know what to say to you.”
Hurt curled at his lips. “What does that mean?”
I held up my hands. “I can’t explain it.”
“Does this have to do with the skirt thing?”
“Yes, no. I don’t know.” I wouldn’t look at him. I knew what was coming.
“I told you he was homophobic.”
“He helped Iris and Caspian and stayed in their house. They are gay.” We’d had this argument too many times.
“So it’s just me being gay?” Kingsley asked.
“No, he’s not like us. He’s reserved with his emotions because he had to be. I get it. When Dad thought I was gay, he kicked the shit out of me in broad daylight, so family services had no choice but to remove me. You can’t be raised like that and not have trauma around it.”
Kingsley frowned. We weren’t that far apart in age, but he hadn’t been old enough to defend me.
“Just be glad he’s dead,” I said before Kingsley could say anything.
“It doesn’t give him an excuse to continue to be that way,” Kingsley countered, returning the subject to Royal.“We are all fucked up by our parents. Not fixing yourself is an excuse to treat those we love badly. We should be better than that.”
“I’m not making excuses for him. He’s not that way. He’s uncomfortable, not hateful. He’s protected me for a long time. I know he’s not trying to be shitty.” I didn’t want the rift in the band to grow further.
“You can keep making excuses for him all you want. This behavior is more proof of it.” Kingsley shook his head.
“I’m not making excuses for him. If he ever did or said anything, you know I’d boot him.” The more I said, the more I realized how stupid I’d been.
