Page 47 of Volatile


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“You weren’t sandy,” he said it like it was disgusting.

“What’s your problem with sand?”

“It’s gross. Everyone thinks so.”

I stared at him. “It doesn’t matter because I’m not getting into bed with you.”

“It matters if we are alternating.”

“Just keep the bed,” I said, dusting the sand off my arms right onto the floor.

“And then get blamed because you can’t stand up straight after a month?”

Why was he so unreasonably upset? It really made me wonder.

“I promise not to blame you.” I slipped into my sleep pants. “Can I go to bed now?”

“It’s so early.”

“Okay? You’re the one who made me come back to the bungalow.”

“We have an hour. Don’t you want to go to a bar or something?”

“Why did you make me come back from the water if… Never mind. I don’t want to know.” I didn’t have the energy to do anything, even go to a bar.

“Our bracelets determine where we can go and what we can order. Since we are here for anger management and cocaine, we should be fine.”

“I’m too tired.” I wanted to curl up and sleep forever. Sitting in a bar just made it feel like we were back on tour.

Royal sighed but left me alone to curl up on the couch that would surely fuck up my back. I was way too old for this. I couldn’t stretch out all the way, so no matter which side I was on, I had to have my knees bent, and there was no comfortable way to lie face down, which was my preferred way of sleeping.

I tossed and turned for hours, then finally gave up and got up to get into the bed.

FOURTEEN

Royal

The bar wasn’t totally useless, but they would only serve me two drinks. I guess we had some kind of limit, considering we were there for anger management and fucking Levi told them we got ‘hostile’ when drunk. No, motherfucker, I got hostile when someone talked shit about Aspen or Kingsley. As I fucking should. It was called loyalty.

Something Levi thought wasn’t as important as image, I guess.

I would always defend those I care about, and I wouldn’t change that about myself. Even if it meant having to quit the band because of our “image.” I’d always care more about how I felt with my personal morals, and maybe Levi and the other guys wouldn’t understand, and that was fine. Our minds worked differently, and I didn’t want to be blamed for how mine was.

I got kicked out after an hour, and instead of wandering around and risking this curfew thing, I went back to the bungalow. What was I going to do for a month? Things weren’t getting better with Aspen, and it felt like they never would. I don’t know how I’d ruined it this much, but there was no conceivable way to fix it without going against myself. I didn’t know how to bring the two together and make myself okay with it. It felt like I’d already lost Aspen.

I tiptoed in, not wanting to wake up the pile of blankets that was Aspen since he was in the common area.

I changed and slipped into bed.

I didn’t think I would sleep, but what else was there to do? Without alcohol and women, this was going to be a long, painful vacation. I might have to take up reading again or, worse, songwriting. I laughed at the idea of stepping on King and Aspen’s toes. It would serve them right.

I’d never wanted a solo career, but maybe that was the direction I’d head when I got kicked out of the band.

I rolled over to stretch out, and my hand found bare skin.

Sandy.

Bare.

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