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I jumped, clutching my chest. “Fucks sake, can you announce yourself?”
“Ma, I swear to fucking God, if you don’t start locking your doors I’m never coming to visit again. The last thing we need is one of Aspen’s stalkers figuring out where you live and killing us all in our sleep so he can wear Aspen’s skin.” Royal said barely biting back his tone.
“That’s a really fucking specific little situation you have in your head,” I said, looking at my boyfriend and a little creeped out.
Levi scoffed. “Stop reading the stalker mail from my office!”
I glanced between them. “Excuse me, what?”
“Don’t worry about it,” Royal and Levi said at the same time.
“No, I’m going to worry about it. I’m going to be thinking about that later when I’m trying to sleep.” I had a lot more questions, but I wasn’t going to press. I would later when I’d calmed down.
“Great, Royal. He already barely sleeps.” Levi closed his eyes, trying to recenter himself. “We need to talk about that fucking train wreck, and I need to know exactly what happened.”
Royal and I filled Levi in turn, and then he went to the backyard to scream. As that was normal behavior for our manager, I didn’t read too much into it. I waited for him to think it through and come back.
Ma insisted we get soup and take it to the dining room for our discussion when he finally came back inside. No one spoke, all of us eating while Levi looked increasingly mad.
“I think we need to cancel the New Year’s show. I don’t see how you can go on stage less than ten days from now and act like nothing happened.”
“I’m not canceling that show. Our fans bought tickets a year ago and booked travel and hotels. That’s an expensive trip for most people. I think it will make it worse.” I wouldn’t budge on that. I’d been the guy who could barely afford to go to shows, and it was a big deal to score tickets to your favorite band.
“We can’t wait. Closer to the date is bad, and we won’t know the extent of the fallout for days,” Levi said, putting his spoon in his empty bowl and pushing it back.
“If we cancel now, it will confirm what he’s saying,” Kingsley said. “I don’t want to act like it’s true.”
“Without Royal and Aspen coming out as a couple, we have very little room to stand. Arthur made sure of that by outright saying Aspen was a bad queer by supporting his friend.” Levi leaned back, looking at the ceiling.
“Can you say you’re gay and you’d never represent a homophobic guy?” Kingsley asked.
“I think it would just look like more of the same as what Arthur is accusing Aspen of doing. They’ll say I’m trying to save your image to protect my pocketbook.” Levi put his hand over his mouth. “I’ll run it by PR, but I’m ninety-nine percent sure.”
“Fuck.” Kingsley pushed to his feet. “I need a joint and to mellow the fuck out. This last year between the stuff with Lis and me, now this is too much.”
Royal turned. “Do you still feel the same about it?”
“If it will help, we can come out. But I hate that we have to. I shouldn’t have to give them everything. I want to keep this to ourselves, at least for a little while. I don’t want that taken away from me.” I sighed and put my head in my hands.
“Then we can’t. I won’t allow that to happen to you.” Royal scooted his chair closer to wrap his arms around me.
“So my choices are to lose my little bit of happy and not let the media try to destroy it, or have my boyfriend’s name dragged through the mud?” My chest heaved with the unfairness of it all. “I give them every fucking thing else.”
“I know you do,” Royal muttered against my cheek.
“Let’s sit on it tonight. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. Maybe it will get lost in the holiday stuff and people traveling.”
Royal and I made excuses to his Ma as soon as everyone left. I needed to be held and time to process. We climbed into bed, and I pressed my face into his chest. We stayed like that for so long that I thought he’d fallen asleep.
“Are we okay?” I asked him. “There will be more of that.”
“I should be asking you the same thing. Are you ready to deal with all of what comes with a very public relationship when this eventually gets leaked?” Royal asked carefully.
“No, I’m not. I’m terrified of it. It makes me want to quit. I hate what it’s doing to my brother and our friends. I hate all of it. I’m so fucking mad about it. I don’t know what to do,” I muttered in a heavy exhale. “I can’t let them do that to you.”
“If it’s that hard on you, why are we still doing this?”
TWENTY-NINE
