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Bursting into tears, I break down. I cry to him. I cry harder than I had ever thought possible. I haven’t talked to anyone about this, not ever, nobody other than the police officers and kind nurses at the hospital. Letting this out after so many years is such a horrible, yet relieving feeling. Jaxon pulls me onto his lap and rests me sideways, holding me close, while I rest my forehead against his shoulder.
“Stop,” he urges, although I continue to sob. “That’s enough.”
“I was arguing with her and my father got upset, so he turned around to look at me, until all the sudden this big truck came at us out of nowhere.” I gasp for air. “All I remember was seeing their faces and the bright light from the truck’s headlights before we flipped over. Jaxon, I woke up on the side of the road all alone. The last thing I saw was our car, and oh, it was so bad. There was blood everywhere.”
Sobbing, our eyes meet, and there’re tears running down his face.
“Don’t cry. Please, don’t cry,” he says, nearly begging me, tightly squeezing his arms around my body. I press my face into his chest and he holds the back of my head.
“I was so mean to them, Jaxon. It was all my fault.”
“No,” he sternly says, whispering into my ear. “It wasn’t.”
“If my father didn’t turn around and tell me to stop being so horrible to my mom, then maybe he would have seen the truck coming at us. Maybe there never would have been an accident. Maybe, then, they wouldn’t have been crushed in the car,” I whimper, my heart pounding wildly as flashbacks of the wreck flow through my mind. “My mom was calling out to me. I heard her. I heard her calling my name. Until she went silent, and I never heard her voice again.”
“Jesus, Sasha,” he says, holding onto me for dear life.
“It was my fault, Jax.”
“No, it wasn’t. It was an accident. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. Things like this just happen, and although they’re terrible, and heart-wrenching, nobody is to blame. You aren’t to blame, Sasha.”
I sob. “They’re dead because of me.”
“No, they’re not.”
Jaxon tries to soothe me, but his words aren’t convincing. He gently rubs the back of my head, and I can’t stop crying. Breaking. Hurting. Slightly rocking me back and forth on his lap, he wipes away my tears with his thumb.
“I told them I hated them,” I cry out. “My heart aches for them. It’s a burden I’ll never get rid of.”
“I’m sorry,” Jaxon whispers. “I’m so sorry.”
Jaxon lifts me, carrying me bridal style across the house. We enter his bedroom, which is off-limits to me, and he places me on the bed. He strips down to his boxers, turns off the light, and sinks into the space beside me. Covering both of us with the silky sheets and comforter, he wraps his arm around me, our legs tangled together.
I rest my cheek against his bare chest, enjoying the warmth that radiates beneath his skin, while he runs his fingers through my hair.
Tears still manage to leak from the corners of my eyes without my permission, as I silently listen to the sound of his heartbeat.
Minutes must pass by and all I can hear is the sound of our uneven breaths, and even though I just went through an unimaginable amount of pain from telling my story, deep down I feel relieved.
“I’m here, Sasha,” he quietly says, meaning it deeply. “I’m here.”
CHAPTERFIFTEEN
The moment I awake, the sight of a bird captures my undivided attention. It rests on a branch beside the large, glass window.
The innocence of this moment has me at peace, taking in the beautiful scene of nature before me.
Watching him silently, he turns to face me, slightly tilting his head. He’s covered with elegant, royal blue feathers. It’s a blue jay, my father’s favorite bird, and for a split second it has me wondering.
Could it be?
Could my father be visiting me in the afterlife, represented as his favorite bird, the morning after I finally spoke about my parent’s death? The shivers travel down my spine, the mere thought leaving me in a state of bliss.
Closure, almost.
And it lifts its wings, effortlessly flying off into the sky.
Turning over onto my side, the sight of Jaxon catches me off guard. He’s innocently sleeping beside me, and I’ve never seen him look quite so peaceful.
