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I couldnever.
Jaxon would like to go back to the way everything was before our morning at the cabin, but I wouldn’t be able to bear it. This man only wants me for one reason and one reason only.
To be his submissive.
With no chance of a future, I could never let my guard down again.
I wouldn’t be able to bear it.
“Tell me what you’re feeling,” he says.
I feel numb. Mind, body, and soul. I’m lost, in a world of chaos and fear, and I don’t know how to find my way back home. Except, this isn’t home. This will never be my home.
“Nothing, Sir.”
He sharply exhales. “I should punish you for your dishonesty.”
Lifting my head, I stare vacantly into his eyes. “I feel nothing.”
“You consented to knife play. You didn’t even ask questions,” he says, rushing to his bare feet. “Tell me why.”
My mind wanders.
“Tell me,” he orders, his voice booming.
He’s upset. This is clear.
“Because I trust you,” I reply, but it sounds more like a question than an answer.
“You and I both know that’s far from the truth.”
Well, he’s not wrong.
The truth is, I didn’t consent to this because I trust him with a blade. I’m so broken, and empty, that I would rather feel anything than deal with the burden of feeling nothing.
Even if it’s pain.
This is my one moment of weakness, an undeniable craving I could not resist, even if I had tried.
My breath catches in my throat from the heaviness in the room, from this confrontation I so desperately would like to avoid. I emotionally and physically can’t do this.
I’m drained, utterly exhausted.
And he is, too.
I can see it behind his eyes. The mask he’s been wearing has lifted, and here he is, desperately standing before me. Hands by his sides, balled into tight fists, brows furrowed. His jaw is clenched hard, twitching. He’s peering at me, with those sharp, blue orbs, disturbed by my lack of emotion.
Fidgeting with the rose, I choose to not speak a word. There’s nothing I could possibly say in this moment to make things right. Jaxon gazes meaningfully into my eyes, before turning away.
And I’m finally left alone.
CHAPTERTWENTY-FOUR
Jaxon and I have hardly spoken for the last three weeks, and other than our heated encounters in the playroom, our Dominant and Submissive relationship has been just that. A binding contract.
Nothing more, and nothing less.
Jaxon has barely kept in touch with his family, and the times that he has been in contact with them, he’s come up with excuse after excuse as to why we can’t make it. I haven’t asked any questions, because deep down, a part of me knows why.
