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"I was afraid I'd lose you forever if I asked too many questions. But I realize now that I should have pushed for an explanation."
She tucks her legs beneath her and rubs her arms. "Is that why you filed for divorce? You were afraid to ask questions?"
"Well, not entirely. That was a big part of it, though." I take a moment to think about how to explain this without sounding like a moron. Then again, I need to be honest, which means telling her everything, even the humiliating parts. "We hadn't been intimate in a couple of years. I assumed you'd lost interest, and then I saw you with that guy from your school."
"What guy?"
"Uh, the one who used to stop by the house once in a while to talk to you about school stuff."
"Peter?" She laughs. "Did you think I was having an affair with him? He's the school principal. Peter had gotten a job offer from a private school and wanted to know if I would take on the principal position when he left. I didn't really want the job. He was determined to talk me into tossing my hat into the ring for the selection committee. But that's all it was."
"Oh. I see." Now I really do feel like a moron. "I thought you might have been talking to that guy because you wanted out of our marriage. I never for one second believed you were cheating on me. But you might have been...looking at all your options."
She stares at me for a moment, then shakes her head. "Honestly, Craig, why didn't you talk to me about this at the time?"
Now that I've thoroughly embarrassed myself, might as well keep going. "Since the day we met, I've known I don't deserve you, Vanessa. You're smart, beautiful, accomplished, loved by your students. What you do makes a difference in the world. I've always had tech jobs. That means I sit around all day staring at a computer screen. I'm not exciting to be with."
"That's baloney. Do you think I married you out of pity? I loved you, Craig. You are just as smart and accomplished as I am."
"You don't understand." I rub the back of my neck, lowering my gaze so I won't need to look her in the eye. "I was sick of my job. But that's not the worst problem. I, uh, also...got laid off six months ago."
"What? Why?"
I shrug. "The company needed to downsize, and the older employees are always the first to go. I'm not young and fresh anymore, that's what my boss told me. I'm too stuck in my ways."
"When we first met, you loved your job. It was exciting to be on the cutting edge of technology. That's what you told me."
"And it was true back then. But over the years, I've had to keep learning new skills to stay current, and the pace of new technologies has been hectic." I slump into my corner of the little sofa. "It's exhausting. And finally, I couldn't keep up anymore. My boss told me so. The younger employees have a better grasp on the cutting-edge stuff."
Vanessa slides closer to me, laying a hand on my knee. "I wish I'd known all of that while we were still married. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you when you got laid off."
"It's no wonder you don't want to come back to me. I'm a loser."
"No, I would never call you that. Remember when I was working at a private school and it went out of business? You supported me emotionally and financially until I found another job."
"We supported each other. That's what marriage is about. Joint bank accounts, joint lives, joint everything. But I guess that's an old-fashioned world view."
"Maybe. But it's what I loved most about our marriage."
Talking to Vanessa, I realize that I've been a complete idiot and a jackass. I hated my job, so I divorced my wife. After everything I just told her, she must think I'm a pathetic lump of a man.
"Don't you want to know why I moved out of the house?"
Her question jerks me out of my self-pitying thoughts, and I meet her gaze. "Of course I want to know."
"We had been drifting apart for a while, and like you said, we stopped being intimate. But the last straw was when I suggested we should go on vacation to someplace tropical and finally have the honeymoon we never had." She leans toward me, her gaze nailed to mine. "But you said that was a waste of money. I practically begged you to go away with me. It felt like you didn't want me anymore, and moving out seemed like the best way to get your attention."
I wince. "You were expecting me to run after you, weren't you? But instead, I filed for divorce."
"Men are emotional infants. Every woman knows that. None of you have any clue how to handle relationships."
"Why are you suddenly giving me an out? An excuse for my behavior?"
"Because I've realized we both made mistakes that hurt each other." She wriggles even closer. "When I was hanging from that zip line, having the best time of my life, I suddenly realized that I was having fun because you were with me."
Should I tell her now about my grand deception? That she's only on this island because I maneuvered her to this place? No, it's too soon. Vanessa only just realized she shouldn't have moved out of our house and that she had fun because I was with her. This vacation means nothing if I'm not with my wife. Ex-wife. I need to be careful how I break the news to her.
"I loved zip-lining with you," I tell her. "Never saw you that happy before. But I know I have a lot of work ahead of me to show you I'll never walk away again."
